


Affection

by comealonghutch



Category: Actor RPF, Hunger Games (2012) RPF, Josh Hutcherson - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Josh Hutcherson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 33,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comealonghutch/pseuds/comealonghutch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn’t have to be one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy.… She can make you feel high, full of the single greatest commodity known to man — promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it’s going to be okay," the groom quotes some movie as he gives a speech to his new bride.

I roll my eyes at how utterly corny his toast is. These two were attached at the hip so it was no shocker when the wedding invitation came in the mail. Alan and Katie, now Mr. and Mrs. Evans. I remember the first day I met Katie. It was in ninth grade and she had pigtails in her hair. She was sitting alone in the library, sucked into a book. These upper years began throwing crumpled up paper and taunting her appearance so I decided to step in. 

I grabbed all the lined paper balls and flung them back yelling, “Fuck off!”.

"Here, throw one," I handed her a few, "It’ll make you feel better."

She took it from my hand and chucked it at the main guy, a huge grin now plastered on her face.

"I’m Addison," I say.

"Katie," she returns.

And that’s how our friendship began.

Alan was the captain of the football team. He needed tutoring in math in order to keep up his grades to stay on the team. That’s how he met Katie. At first, she was nervous being around him but as each session passed she began to get more comfortable around him. In a few short months, they began dating.

True high school sweethearts.

A groomsmen finishes telling an embarrassing story about Alan and I hear someone choke on their drink to the left of me. I turn my head and there he is.

My childhood crush.

Josh Hutcherson. 

He lived a few houses down from me. He was home schooled but attended a few football games and high school dances. I don’t think he ever knew I had feelings for him. We lost contact a couple years ago. Seeing him now all grown up makes my heart flutter and palms a little sweaty. His jaw line now more defined and rough. There is actual facial hair amongst his face that I just want to drag my fingers across. His eyes that once looked so innocent have deepened and look mischievous. I lick my lips at the thought of what must be under the suit. 

We make eye contact and I send him a smile. He sends one back. He points a finger at me, to himself, then does a terrible rendition of the macarena from his chair.

"What?" I mouth to him confused.

He does it again but this time switching up the macarena with the YMCA.

"Ohhhhhh," I give him the thumbs up acknowledging that I understand his invitation for the dance floor. 

A crowd gathers around the perimeter of the ballroom floor witnessing the first dance of the happy couple. Florence and the Machine’s song “Never Let Me Go” escaping the speakers and filling the room. The pair swaying back and forth with huge smiles plastered on their faces. At that moment I envy the two of them. They have found their other halves so early on in life and no longer have to look for the one. Now they have many years to grow and flourish in their love.  
The song comes to a close. Everyone surrounding them clapping or wiping stray tears from their eyes. The DJ then invites everyone onto the floor. I look all around and I don’t see Josh anywhere. Sadness strikes me. I decide to turn around and head back to my seat but when I do I run right into him.

"Looking for me?" he asks with that cocky smile of his.

"Not at all," I say jokingly.

"Shall we?" he raises his elbow to me and I hook my arm with his. He leads us through the crowd and we find a slightly vacated spot.

The DJ wastes no time getting into the techno pop dance music. Everyone moving with the beat. I’m a little nervous at first because I feel like I need to impress Josh with my dance moves but as soon as he starts breaking down I realize I have nothing to be nervous about. He’s going at it not caring what others think. The freedom I soon adapt as I begin to pivot and sway to the beat. My head bobbing and my arms pumping the air. 

His hands soon found my waist. The slight touch sending an electric shock throughout my body. The hair raising amongst my arms at the simple gesture. A gesture that had occurred multiple times in dreams but has become so overwhelming in reality.

He pulls me in closer so that our hips are practically touching. My hands make there way to his chest. We stare into each other’s eyes intensely and I can’t help but to bite my lower lip. An act I usually do when flustered. 

Our bodies begin grinding against one another, our skin becoming slick with sweat. Everything around us is irrelevant. I only feel him and me. 

"Wanna get out of here?" he shouts over the loud bass.

All I can do is nod. He grabs my hand and entwines his fingers with mine as he leads me through the sea of sweaty bodies. 

We step out onto the mild, busy streets of Los Angeles. Cars weaving in and out of traffic. A taxi passes by and Josh raises his arm to flag it down successfully.  
I crawl into the back seat. Josh following afterwards. The ride to his house is silent. The electricity between us very prominent. My fingers still entwined with his. It’s taking so much will power not to have him in the backseat right now. He’s probably thinking the same. Actually, I know he’s thinking the same. I can see him fidgeting in my peripheral. Constantly adjusting the way he’s sitting, probably due to the fact that his pants are becoming a little too tight.

We pull up to a large property. At first it just looks like an archway to a forest of trees but upon closer inspection I can see the lights of a house in the distance.  
The drive up is slow and bumpy but we get there eventually. 

When we step out of the car he practically forces me into the house. As soon as the door was shut he had me pinned against it. There was a small gap between our faces. Our lips just a few inches apart.

"God knows how long I wanted to do this," he growls.

I don’t waste time and push my lips onto his moving them at a needy pace. My fingers quickly begin to undo his tie and unbutton his dress shirt while his mouth begins to suckle on my ear lobe.

"Fuck," I moan, the sensation surprisingly pleasurable. I trace my fingers along his now naked chest. They make it to his waist line and as I’m about to go further Josh stops me.

"Bedroom," he hisses. I stick my tongue out at him.

We sprint up the stairs wasting no time at all. I pull my dress over my head leaving me in just a bra and lace panties. Josh stares at me with his mouth open.  
I move my fingers to his belt and quickly pull it out of each loop. I undo the button and pull the zipper down. Grabbing each end of his pant legs I pull the thick fabric off of him. My eyes go quickly to his groin. A giant bulge visible in his boxers.

"Wow," I utter accidentally. He gives me a smug grin. 

I unclasp my bra and remove my panties. Josh gets the hint and shimmies out of his underwear. He grabs a condom from his bedside table and rolls it on. I slide down his length in one fluid motion, a groan escaping both of us as I reach the base. As much as I’d like this to last a long time I don’t think it’s possible. 

Our eyes dark with pleasure. Our breathing heavy. Our pace fast.

I let go and Josh soon follows afterwards. 

When we disconnect from one another I lay my head on his chest. 

He kisses my moist forehead. 

And that’s how our love story begins.


	2. Snippets

Something blossomed between Josh and I after the night of the wedding. We hung out a lot getting to know what's been happening in each others lives since our quiet falling out.

Josh's celebrity status was quickly rising with the major roles he's taken on. 

I went through college and got a job as a paramedic here in L.A.

Josh adopted an adorable pit bull named Driver.

I rented my first apartment.

He talked about failed relationships.

I told him about my lack of love.

Each day something new was discussed. Each day the two of us growing closer together. 

These our snippets of some of our "firsts".

\----

My knee is bouncing up and down like a jack hammer. The car slowly comes to a stop.

"I change my mind!" I panic.

"You'll be fine," Josh reassures me, "Just snap a few photos with me then hang back with Andre. Piece of cake."

I wrinkle my nose. "Says the guy who's done this hundreds of times."

Someone comes to open the car door. Josh steps out first. He puts his hand in to pull me out. There are hundreds of fans screaming his name. Flashes going off in every direction.

"I hate you," I mutter under my breath.

He chuckles. "C'mon." He leads us over to a spot where a bunch of press photographers are standing. We stand together smiling. 

"Josh look over here!"

"Addison over here!"

They know my name?

A security guard taps on his shoulder to bring him over to a second spot. Josh squeezes my hand before letting go, signalling that I can now hang back with Andre.

"Oh, thank the Lord!" 

"It'll get easier," Andre says.

"You mean I have to do this again?!" My eyes growing wide.

"Of course," Andre laughs, "You're Josh Hutcherson's girlfriend."

I smile at my new title.

I aced my first red carpet event.

I was recognized as his girlfriend. 

\-----

The house is packed with intoxicated people. Loud music and red cups everywhere. I’m sitting beside Josh on the sofa and he’s in a really intense conversation about soccer. Just when he’s about to get his point across his cell phone starts to ring.

"Sorry guys, I’ve got to take this."

He gets up and heads towards the backyard for some quiet. I awkwardly sit on the couch amongst his friends. I don’t know who these people are and they look like they want nothing to do with me. Eventually they get up and leave to another part of the party.

I sip on my Jack and Coke when someone sits beside me. I turn to look thinking it’s Josh but it’s a woman.

I politely give her a smile.

"So how do you know Josh?" she asks.

"I knew him back in Kentucky. Recently met up again…" I respond curious as to why she wants this information. I don’t even know her. "What about you?"

"We used to date," she says proudly, "I was the best sex he’s ever had." 

I choke on my drink.

"Wow," I exclaim, "I take it he broke up with you?"

"Oh hunnie, I’m not done with him yet. He still wants m-me I can sense it," she slurs.

"Okay." That’s all I could say.

As if sensing my distress, Josh comes back in and takes the seat beside me on the couch, putting his arm around me.

"Ugh," the woman gasps. "I thought you said you two were just friends?"

"I said that we knew each other from Kentucky. I never said that we were "just" friends," I make sure to make the air quotations.

"What are you doing here anyways, Mackenzie?" Josh asks her, clearly annoyed.

"I came for you, but clearly I’m not wanted anymore! Go fuck yourself, Josh!" she yells before walking away.

I can’t help but laugh. “She’s a catch.”

He begins to laugh as well, “Oh, definitely.”

That’s the first time I’ve met an ex-fling.  
——-

"What's wrong?" I ask Josh. He's sitting on the other side of the couch with his arms folded. His eyes fixed on the television screen.

"Nothing," he spits.

"Well then, if nothing's wrong then why are you being such a grumpy Gus?"

"I'm not grumpy!" he grumbles.

"Yeah, okay," I sigh. 

The past couple of days have been rough. The communication between us has been lacking. We both have busy work schedules and have been struggling to fit each other in. Today was a night that we finally had a spare moment for one another. This is not how I envisioned it.

As much as I wanted to just head over to his house in sweats I took the time to make myself presentable. I also went the extra mile to make sure everything was shaven. I mean, we finally had a night to ourselves, sex should've been in the equation.

I start to get up to head home. "Well, clearly something's crawled up your ass and died so I'm just going to go home."

"Go ahead. I'm not stopping you," he retorts.

"Seriously, Josh? You're just going to let me walk away when this can be dealt with right here, right now." I fold my arms across my chest.

He grabs the remote and turns the television off.

"Okay, fine. I feel like you're blowing me off."

"Blowing you off?" My jaw kind of dropping at the statement. "I'm working Josh."

"Sometimes I feel like you say that, but you're actually doing something else," there's a slight pause, "with someone else."

"You've gotta be kidding me!" I roll my eyes. "Why would you possibly think that?"

"It's the only thing that comes to mind," he says.

"For starters, there is no one else, I don't know why you would think I would do that to you. Secondly, I'm sorry I can't drop everything and be with you in your spare moments. I have a job that requires me to work twelve hour shifts sometimes. I'm just starting off as a paramedic so I get the not so favourable shifts. But that's life. I'm dealing with it. So you're going to have to learn to deal with it too." 

My eyes have gone glassy. The anger forming a few tears. I don't understand what would make him think that way. I have done nothing in the past to have him not trust me. It's probably a past girlfriend thing.

He motions for me to come sit beside him. I hesitate shortly, but then head over. He wraps his arms around my shoulder pulling me into him. I begrudgingly rest my head on his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," he confesses. "I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm used to being with people in the business, you know. I've never been with someone that had a career outside of the entertainment industry. It's different. I'm not used to it. I'm sorry for accusing you."

"It's okay," I whisper, "I'm new to this too."

"I love you," Josh blurts out. 

Did I hear him correctly? Did he just tell me he loved me? 

The butterflies in my stomach are going crazy with excitement.

I turn to look up at him. A huge smile spreading across my face.

"I love you too."

"Shall we go to bed?" he asks, a smile now forming.

I nod.

We just had our first fight.

He just told me he loved me.

\------

On top of this we spent a week in Ireland. We travelled the country side, drank in multiple taverns and made a lot of wonderful memories.

First vacation.

I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas at his parent's house in Kentucky and met his dad and younger brother.

First holiday.

And at the end of our first year together, I moved in with him.


	3. One

It’s just another day on the job. We got a call to head out to a park. Some woman was having a seizure and a passerby happened to witness it. Three of us jumped into the ambulance, sounded the sirens and sped to the destination.  
When we arrived to the area a small crowd had gathered around the woman.  
"Back away!" my colleague, Jonathan shouts. A few listen and make a small path for us.  
The woman is painfully thin, her eyes are dark and sunken in. She’s still convulsing on the grass and we run over to check her vitals. Her pulse is faint. Her convulsions making it hard for her heart to pump blood to the rest of her body. I roll her on her side so she doesn’t choke on her tongue or vomit.  
As I’m waiting for the stretcher to be brought out I decide to look in her pockets for any form of identification. In my search, I find an expired driver’s license with the name Claire Osborn and multiple vials of heroin.  
"She’s over dosing!" I holler hoping to make them hurry up.  
It does. Within seconds they have arrived and place her on the stretcher. We begin to make our way back to the ambulance when a woman holding a child stops me.  
"Here," she hands the child over to me, "He was with her."  
A small boy, maybe about a year old, so small and fragile. It breaks my heart.  
"Thanks," I reply before getting into the vehicle.  
"Where’d he come from?" Jonathan asks.  
"He’s hers," I point to the woman, "Poor guy. What’s her status?"  
"Not good. It’s getting harder and harder to find a heartbeat. We still can’t find a vein good enough to put in an IV."  
We make it to the hospital in five short minutes. Nurses and doctors standing by, waiting for our new patient to arrive. Before the ambulance has come to a full stop the back door is being opened and the stretcher pulled out. She’s rushed into a room in hopes that they can save her life. There’s nothing I can do for her now.  
I begin to carry the small boy to the children’s floor. This poor kid having a druggie as a mother. At least he is getting saved young. Not like me. I was stuck with my heroin-addicted parents until I was financially able to leave.  
"Hey," I shout to a nurse passing by. She stops. "This boy was found with his mother. Who is now downstairs in emergency fighting a drug overdose. Her name’s Claire Osborn. Can you make sure he’s okay? I don’t know if he’s eaten anything in weeks. Can you do that for me?"  
All she does is nod before taking him from me. “Let me know anything you find out about him,” I ask.  
"Okay."  
He’s probably going to get sent into the system. The thought upsetting me. There’s something about the similarity of our situations that makes me want to help him. He’s not old enough to make these decisions so I want to make sure wherever he ends up is right for him.  
There’s nothing I can do at the moment but go and get some rest. I find the nearest on call room and fall asleep.  
——-  
I awake to the sound of my pager going off. The nurse from before looking for me. When I meet up with her she tells me that he’s surprisingly pretty healthy. Nothing a few fluids couldn’t cure. She then tells me that the next step is to finding the father and family of the boy before placing him in foster care as the mother didn’t make it.  
"Keep me updated," I tell her before walking away.  
She doesn’t.  
I spend the whole day driving around the city to 911 calls. Nothing too serious or exciting.  
At the end of my shift I reach for my phone. Not once has Josh sent me a text or tried calling me.  
That’s a little odd, I think. Wouldn’t he be worried that I didn’t come home last night?  
The route back to the hospital passes by our house so I get them to drop me off there. When I arrive there is an extra car in the driveway. It looks like a rental.  
When I enter the house I am greeted with silence. There is a sadness in the stale air.  
"Hi," I announce my presence. I look around to find Josh sitting on the couch. His mother opposite of him. They both look emotionally drained. Not one of them acknowledging me.  
"What’s wrong?" I ask beginning to panic. "What happened?"  
Silence.  
When I walk deeper into the house, towards the living room, that’s when I notice him. The little boy. The little boy who’s mother overdosed.  
"Oh my God," I gasp. My hand covering my mouth and tears welling up in my eyes. I pick up the boy and sit beside Josh. Tears now beginning to fall down his face once more.  
"We couldn’t save her," I whisper. "But we could save him. He’s yours isn’t he?"  
Josh’s head falls into his hands as he begins to cry even harder.  
And that’s my answer.


	4. Two

I let Josh cry as I console him. His mother left the room to give us some privacy. He must feel like his whole life has changed drastically in just a day. He used to worry about what his schedule would be like, what roles he should audition for and how his favourite sports teams are doing. Now he has another life to take care of. Something I'm sure he wasn't quite ready for at this stage in his life.

When he's calmed down he begins to speak.

"How did you find her?" he asks.

"Someone was walking through the park and found her. Called 911."

"How did she look?"

"Not good," I tell him. I will never get the visual of her convulsing out of my head. Subtract everything that the drugs had done to her I can tell she was a pretty girl. Must not have been over twenty five, however she looked closer to her forties. Dirty fingernails, cracked lips, bones sticking out everywhere and grey, matted hair. There was no life left in her. Her addiction took that from her.

"And… him?" his lower lip begins to tremble as he takes a quick glance at the small child. 

"Someone had found him before I got there and held onto him. She gave him over to me as we were beginning to leave. He's fine. Which is a miracle. I had some nurses check him over. They were supposed to tell me where they were sending him. I guess now I know why."

It was common knowledge around the hospital now that I was dating and living with Josh. They probably thought it was best for me to figure out this way.

"Who was she?" I ask the question that's been on the tip of my tongue since we got here.

"The girl I dated before you. Our relationship didn't last very long. She must've gotten pregnant the last night I saw her. Why didn't she tell me? I could've helped her," he gets choked up again.

The little boy starts stirring within my arms. 

"Do you know his name?" 

"Avery."

"Avery," I whisper staring into his tiny blue eyes.

I hear a creak from above and see that Michelle is making her way back down to the living room. She sits beside me and takes Avery from my grasp.

"I know we're still trying to get over the shock of this whole situation but we need to come up with a plan on what's to be done," she solemnly states.

"I don't want to give my child away," Josh says. "It's not right. I'd regret it every day."

"You just signed on for that big movie, Josh. What are you going to do when you're away filming?" she replies.

"I don't know. Can you take care of him during that time?" he asks his mother.

Her eyes get glassy as she slowly shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I can't take care of him for you, Josh. He's yours. I have a job back home. I have bigger things that I need to be doing. And I know you do to, but he's not mine."

Josh's hands ball up into fists and he punches the arm of the couch. "Fuck!" he yells causing Avery to start to whine.

Seeing him in this much distress kills me. I would do anything I can to make him happy. I want to help him in any way possible. I know his dreams are bigger than mine. I know he has more willpower to achieve them. So that's when I decide to speak up.

"I can take care of him while you're away," I say.

"Well, what's going to happen when you have a twelve hour shift at three in the morning. Who's going to come take care of him?" Michelle responds.

"I mean, I'll take a leave from work. Maybe quit entirely. Take some online courses. Get a better job in the health care field later on in life. I can always find another job. I don't want you missing the opportunity to do something great, Josh."

"Addison, I can't let you do that," Josh places his hand on my thigh.

"Why not? Why can't I do this for you?" I can feel tears starting to build up. "I love you, Josh. I obviously see a future with you if I moved in with you. What did you plan on doing if you weren't signed on for this film? Kick me out? Refuse my help? No. So what's the difference? It's the most logical scenario at the moment."

There's a silence.

"My whole life I didn't know what I wanted to be. I didn't know I wanted to become a paramedic. That's just what path I took. It wasn't a dream of mine. You on the other hand, this is what you've been wanting you're whole life. I don't want you to stop now. Let me do this for you, Josh."

"I… can't," he stutters.

"Please," I practically beg. Michelle wipes tears from her face.

"Why?" he shouts.

"Have you not been listening to everything I've been saying? I love you. I see a future with you. Is loving you not enough of a reason?"

There's more silence.

"I didn't think so. I'm not throwing my life away if that's what you think. Wherever I am with you, that's my life."

There's not a dry eye in the room. Everyone's in distress from the situation. 

"I know this is not how we saw our future happening. But it's what we've got."

"Okay," he speaks up.

"It's going to be hard but we'll get through this," I grab his hand and squeeze. He pulls me in for a big hug and kisses my cheek.

"Thank you," he whispers in my ear.

I don't say anything back. I just stay in his arms a little while longer. This may be the last free moment we have with another. We can't think of just us anymore. We have to raise a child now.

I can only hope for the best for our future.


	5. Three

"We have nothing."

"Nothing?" Josh asks quizzically.

"Nothing," I reiterate.

"I don't understand," he replies.

"Diapers, crib, bottles, formula, clothing, blankets, soap…" Michelle lists.

"Shit," Josh exclaims. 

"Yeah," his mom laughs, "I have him set up in the guest bedroom right now. I put pillows up as bumpers so he doesn't roll off the bed. But you two need to get a crib or small bed or something for him, on top of everything else, like right now."

She's right. The hospital only gave us a few diapers and one bottle of nutrient enriched formula. We were definitely not going to make it through the night with that.

I place my hand on his shoulder, "let's go."

"I can't. I can't risk someone snapping a photo of me buying baby supplies. At least until I talk to my publicist." He doesn't make eye contact with me as he says this.

"I guess that makes sense. Michelle would you like to accompany me? I feel like you'd know what to buy more than I do."

"You'll be fine for an hour or two alone with him, Josh?" she asks him.

He nods. 

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I think I can handle it. I can always call right," he shifts in his seat and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. 

"Yes you can, sweetie," Michelle responds.

"Here," he hands me his credit card.

"Thanks," I give him a soft peck on his forehead before getting up to put my shoes on. This time alone is probably good for him. It allows him to think about what's happened and what's going to happen. It even gives him time to bond with his son. 

We jump into Michelle's rental car. The ride is silent. My eyes gazing out the window. It had rained recently causing droplets to stick to the windows. I pick a droplet and watch it glide down the window.

She speaks up, "I'm trying really hard to believe you right now."

The confession catching me off guard, "Sorry?"

"I want to believe you when you say you're life is with him wherever he is. I want to believe you when you said you'd help him through this. I want to believe you when you say you love him. I want to believe you when you said you'd stay," she rambles.

"Why don't you?" 

My hands get all sweaty and shaky from awaiting her answer. I try to calm them by pressing them into my thighs. I want to cry but I hold it in. I must be strong.

"Look, Addison. I know you were a nice girl back in Kentucky. You were a good friend to him then. But you two grew apart. Things changed. What's stopping that from happening again? What if a week from now you decide this is not want you want to do with your life? What if you decide raising a child is not you're thing? Josh is going to be emotionally stressed by this for some time. Can you handle taking care of both of them? Can you handle taking care of a child that isn't yours?"

I was hurt by her lack of faith in me. I have never given her a reason to distrust me. Past or present. I have always been there for him whenever he needed me. Especially when we lost Driver this year. Nothing is more heart wrenching than watching a man lose his best friend. 

"I know you have your doubts. You're his mother. You're just thinking of him. I know you're hesitant to believe me now. All I ask is that you trust me. Just trust me and as time goes on, maybe you'll start to believe in what I've said. We can do this. It is not going to easy. There will be arguments. We may even hit rock bottom. But once you get to the bottom there's no where else to go but up right? I love him, Michelle. I really do. I'm not going to leave him," the words firing out of my mouth so fast I have no time to filter them. These are my true thoughts.

She pulls into the Walmart lot and puts the car in park. She grabs a hold of my left hand and squeezes. 

"Okay. I'll try," she gives me a soft smile that reassures me slightly.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"Let's get started shall we?"

"Let's," I agree.

\----

A couple hours later we've found all we needed, from a race car bed, to diapers, to small toys. When we're done putting everything in the car there is close to no space for us to sit.

"I think we should've taken his Jeep," I say, "this is a little snug."

She laughs, "just a little bit."

We arrive home shortly thereafter. As we enter the house we hear a quiet giggling. I look to Michelle and we both exchange smiles. 

I went up to the guest bedroom to check on them. Josh had Avery on his stomach and was tickling his sides. The gesture making my heart melt. This moment affirming that we would be okay.

"Hey," I announce my presence. Josh looks up, "hey."

"We need your help bringing some of the stuff in. We went a little overboard."

"I realized as soon as you two left that giving two women my credit card wasn't a very good idea," he joked. The small bit of humour a huge improvement from before. 

"It all went to him, I promise," I pause, "except for maybe my McDonalds."

"One day you'll be able to walk past a McDonalds without buying anything, Add."

"But today wasn't that day," I smile, "here, I got him, go help your mother."

He leaves the room attending to our massive haul. It's crazy how just a day can change your life forever. When I woke up this morning I was not expecting to be a mother. But now, staring at him, staring into an exact copy of Josh's eyes, I couldn't picture myself doing anything else.


	6. Four

He wheels her suitcase to the door. Our extra set of hands heading back home. There's an unspoken fear between Josh and I. The reality of our future soon to come to fruition.

"Are you sure you can't stay, Mom?" he pleads. He's as scared as I am. We don't truly know what we're getting ourselves into. It's only been a week since Avery entered our lives. There was no time to figure out or assemble any sort of schedule or game plan. 

"Honey, you know I can't. I have a job to get back to in Kentucky. You know that. Plus, I hate to be away from your father and brother for so long," she replies. "You can always call if you absolutely need my help."

"Yes, I know," he sighs. I come up behind him with Avery in my arms. 

"We'll be fine," I smile. She gives me a half-hearted one back. She still doesn't believe me. I wonder if she ever will.

"Bye-bye sweetie," she coos at Avery giving the two of us a brief hug. "Bye honey," she embraces Josh giving him a kiss on the cheek, "I love you."

"Let us know when you land," he says, "love you too."

"Have a safe flight," I add.

"Will do," she replies before walking out the door towards the airport taxi. We all give her a final wave before shutting the door. The notion symbolizing the start of our journey into parenthood.

"Are we going to be okay?" Josh panics. His eyes wide with terror.

"Relax. Think back on this first week. Just take your mother's help out of the equation. We'll be fine," he replies with a smile, showing me that he believes me. 

Thinking back to that first night with Avery makes me giggle.

\---

"Is he asleep?" Michelle whispers.

"I think so," we both reply at the same volume. It was getting close to midnight. The excitement of the day finally wearing off on everyone.

"You put the monitor in there?" she asks.

"Yeah," Josh says.

"…And you turned it on?" 

I shake the other end of the device showing it was on.

"Okay, well, it's time for bed. Goodnight you two. Wake me up if you need anything." She wanders off into the other guest bedroom.

I set the receiver on the nightstand on my side of the bed and turn the volume up to a medium level. All that was coming through was white noise.

"I'm terrified that a demon voice is going to come through this thing," I mutter to Josh.

"I wasn't thinking about that, but thanks, Add. Now I doubt we'll fall asleep tonight," Josh whines. I softly chuckle.

Each grabbing a corner of the duvet we pull it back and settle into bed. Josh wraps his body around me being the bigger spoon. The room is silent and we both shut our eyes.

Not longer than fifteen minutes later we hear the sound of whimpering coming from the baby monitor.

"Should we get him?" he mumbles into the back of my head.

"Give it a minute. Maybe he'll roll over and fall back asleep," I murmur.

The whining carries on but doesn't let up. I wiggle out of Josh's grasp and stick my feet into slippers. 

"Are we taking turns or doing this as a team thing?" I ask.

He doesn't answer but slowly rises from the bed. We tread down the hallway into the other room. There's Avery sitting up in bed crying. 

"It's okay, buddy," Josh coos picking him up. Avery wraps his tiny arms around Josh's neck and nuzzles his head into him. Josh responds by rubbing his back in soothing circles. Josh starts coughing, "he needs his diaper changed."

"Well have at it," I say stepping away from the change table. I rummage through a bin at the side. "We must of left the cream downstairs. I'm going to go grab it."

I leave the room expecting Josh to be able to handle a simple diaper change. I hear his scream for help telling me I was wrong.

I bolt up the stairs wondering what I'm going to be walking into. His yell waking Michelle up and sending her towards the room. When we both reach the door way we're met with a frantic, wet Josh. We both erupt into giggles.

"It's not funny," Josh spits.

"It's funny that you thought calling for help would stop him from peeing all over you," I jab.

"Can someone just please finish this up so I can go shower?" he pleads. Michelle gives me a look. 

"Sure thing," I answer. I walk over to the table and finish changing Avery. 

"Good one," I quietly tell him. He replies with a yawn. "Let's get you to bed."

\----

The weeks after had been a learning experience. Every time something went awry we'd come up with a solution. Keeping busy was never an issue as we never had a spare moment to ourselves. I quit my job at the hospital even though Josh tried to stop me once again. In the end he knew it had to be done. Now my life consists of a beautiful, babbling one year old rampantly rolling across the living room carpet whilst watching cartoons, throwing toys and food any chance he gets. 

Josh has been very good with helping out with everything. He's always wanting to change his diapers or feed him. I never have to ask him to do anything. I shouldn't of expected any less.

I sit down next to Josh on the couch. He's in the middle of watching one of his reality TV shows. I interrupt by kissing him on the cheek.

"What was that for?" he smiles.

"Do I need a reason to kiss you?" I respond.

"No," he mumbles as he grabs ahold of my chin and pulls me in for another one. 

I can't remember the last time Josh and I had kissed like this but I didn't want him to stop. The contact of our tongues and lips causing my heart to flutter.

When we break for air we realize the house is too quiet. 

"Something's up," he says.

"Definitely. Grab your camera, I have a feeling it might be funny."

Josh grabs his phone and we wander throughout the house in search of Avery.

"Where the fuck is he?" Josh asks flustered.

"Language," I cough.

We hear a giggling coming from behind us so we turn around. Behind us is Avery standing up on his own and he takes a few steps towards us before toppling over. The look pride and happiness in his face is something I'll never forget. The doctor's told us that his development may be later than others as he lived his life in an unsuitable environment. So we weren't prepared for this to happen for another few months.

"Good job!" we both cheer. 

"Let's do it again," as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

I grab his little hands and get him to stand up once more. Josh moves a little further down the hall.

"Walk to Daddy," I instruct. Josh holds his phone in one hand, the other reaching out to Avery. I let him catch his balance before letting go completely. 

And there he goes.

Right into Josh's arms.


	7. Five.

My day has been filled with chasing around a rampant child and cleaning up the messes he leaves behind. Just when I was getting the hang of taking care of him he started walking. I thought I had everything under control but now I feel like I'm constantly on my feet never having a moment to myself. When I put him down for his afternoon nap I spend the time preparing for when he wakes up. I clean the house, wash his dishes, and prepare for his next meal. If I'm lucky I can usually sneak some lunch in. 

Today, specifically, was tiring. Avery was being fussy. More of his teeth were starting to come in and nothing would calm him down. I feel so helpless staring at his crying face because I don't know what else to do to help him and he's clearly in pain. He barely touched his breakfast and wanted nothing to do with his toys. Every time I left the room it would send him in an uproar. I had to be in his line of sight or holding him constantly.

Josh had left earlier that morning. He said he had a meeting with someone. I could've really used his help but I'll have to start getting used to doing it all on my own.

Come dinner time Avery managed to eat most of his mashed potatoes. I decide to feed him more formula to make sure he's getting all the nutrients he needs. He's still whining but it has been toned down ten-fold. 

Josh still isn't home.

"Where's Daddy?" I ask Avery.

He replies with a string of incoherent sounds.

I giggle. "Sounds about right. Should we call him?"

More babbling as a response.

I grab my cell phone off the counter and dial his number. It rings a few times before going to voicemail.

Hey, it's Addison. Just wondering where you are and when you're going to be home. Call me back. Love you. Bye.

I release a big, frustrated sigh. I look at Avery and see he's covered his face with mashed potatoes.

"Looks like it's bath time, kiddo."

\---

Avery finally goes down around eleven. Josh still isn't home and I've had no phone call or text yet on his whereabouts. I started to get really worried. So I tried calling again. Voicemail. I send a text.

Where are you?

A half hour later my phone starts to ring and the caller id tells me it's Josh. 

"Finally," I mutter. "Hey, where are you?" I ask into the receiver.

There's no response just a lot of loud music and voices going on. I got pocket dialled. I try and listen in so I can pinpoint his location, but all I hear is bass and shouting.

I end the call and chuck it at the adjacent couch. Then the tears start falling out of sheer frustration. We agreed from the beginning that we would spend most of our time together working on becoming a family. He agreed that he wouldn't go out until he left for filming. His broken promise hurts. I don't know how long I cry for but at some point I fall asleep on the couch.

I am awoken by the sound of the front door slamming. The vase in the entry way smashing to the ground. I quickly rise and walk to the scene. I am graced with Josh stumbling into the house unable to stay upright. I run to his aid to keep him on his feet.

"What the fuck, Josh! I hiss.

He hiccups in response.

"I get that you wanted some time out with friends but not calling me telling me where you were is not okay. I've spent the day and most of the night worried. What happened to reserving these nights out for later?" I'm trying to keep my voice down to a void waking Avery but it's hard.

Josh is still mute. Even though I'm pissed I help him up the stairs and into bed. I undress him down to his boxers and wrap the blanket over his body. 

"I'm sorry," he speaks up.

"He speaks," I respond.

"I'm sorry," he utters again, "I don't know how you do this. How you can keep yourself together. I am no good at this. I can't do it. I can't…" he trails off.

"Can't what? Take care of a kid?"

He nods.

"It's not a competition, Josh. It helps if you aren't out into the early hours of the morning getting completely trashed. How do you expect to care of him with a disgusting hangover?" As soon as the words come out of my mouth I think of the perfect lesson to teach him.

"There's your consequence, Josh. When he wakes up at seven in the morning you gotta get him up, change him and feed him breakfast," a small smile forming on my lips as I realize how devious this is.

"Fair enough," he whispers.

"And you're not bad at being a father. We were thrown into this. Most parents have nine months to prepare themselves. We didn't. We've only had him for over a month. Avery doesn't care if you put his diaper on a little less snug, dress him ridiculously, or picked the wrong toy to play with. He just wants you there. That's all that matters to him. Practice makes perfect. Show him how much you love him. The rest will follow."

He grabs my hand and kisses the back of it, "Thank you, Add."

I return the kiss on his forehead. 

"I'm going to get you some water and Advil. You've got an early wake up call tomorrow."

When I return the water he's properly passed out. Soft snores erupting from his mouth.

I think back to the conversation I had with Michelle:

"Josh is going to be emotionally stressed by this for some time. Can you handle taking care of both of them?

"I can," I think to myself.

Tonight prove's just that.


	8. Six.

After taking care of a screaming teething baby whilst hungover Josh agreed to never do something like that again as it was - as he called it - torturous. I'm glad I didn't blow up in his face that night. As much as I wanted to scream at him and slap him I kept it bottled up. Nothing can be solved with anger. It makes me go back and think of what Michelle had said about taking care of two of them. I knew that night I had to prove myself. Something obviously had struck a nerve with Josh that he decided to submerge in alcohol rather than share. Instead of making him want to keep it buried more with anger I decided to let it go for now hoping he'd eventually open up to me.

That morning I ended up sleeping in until ten. Something I have't been able to do in months. I took an extra hour for myself to get my mind ready for the next two weeks. Josh was going to be leaving us soon. He was setting off to France to film a movie adapted from the book, "Je vais posséder votre coeur" (I Will Possess Your Heart). 

A pang of jealousy hit me. He was going to be travelling the world. Taking in a new culture. Seeing the beauty of French architecture. Chowing down on foreign cuisines. I was going to be stuck in California. Changing dirty diapers. Eating frozen dinners. Talking to no one but myself.

I keep telling myself this is worth it. I didn't sacrifice my life. I'm making it better. My life is going to end up the same as it's meant to be, I'm just taking a different route. It's just hard to think so positively in the beginning. But seeing how Josh interacts with Avery proves to me that I made the right choice. 

I relieved Josh for an hour so he can shower and fit in a quick nap. As awesome as it was to get back at him for that night it felt a little cruel seeing him in agony. It was like watching someone who is clearly injured keep working through the pain. 

Presently, I'm sitting in the living room flipping through television channels. Avery is down for a nap and dinner is cooking in the oven. I hear a muffled scuffing coming from outside and hear a key being inserted into the lock. Josh must be home from one of his meetings about his new project. My assumption is correct as he emerged in the doorway in his Kentucky ball cap and shades.

"How was the meeting?" I ask Josh.

"Long," he grumbles, when he takes his glasses off his eyes look dull. There's something bothering him but he's trying to brush it off.

"Ahh. Why don't you come sit with with me. Dance Moms is on. I wanna hear about your day."

He hesitates at first but I think the show enticed him. Anything on TLC had this guys attention. He sits on the opposite end the couch as me and stares blankly at the television.

"Josh," I pat my thighs motioning for him to lie his head there. He sighs and rests his head in my lap, stretching out filling up the rest of the space on the couch. I start to drag my fingers through his hair. An act that can calm down anyone. Within minutes I can see the affect it has on him. His shoulders that were once so tense have sunken and relaxed. His hands are no longer in fists but are resting on the cushion. 

"So your day. What happened?" I speak up still continuing to draw spirals with my nails through his brunette locks.

He was silent for a moment but I felt a sharp intake of breath. "I woke up early. I left the house earlier than expected. I decided to get myself a coffee on the way. They messed up my coffee. Normally I would just drink it but whoevers drink they gave me must hate the taste of coffee cause it was basically just cream and sugar. So that started off bad. I had to go into a back to back meeting with no caffeine in my system. The people I was having the meeting with only supplied water. I was starving because you know how when I'm nervous I can't really eat anything so I skipped out on breakfast…."

I opened my mouth to interrupt him but he didn't allow it.

"I was promised the meeting was going to be let out at noon. Then I would have an hour to grab some lunch before the next one ensued. But the other meeting carried on past the allotted time making me miss out on lunch. I had to grab a muffin from the hotel cafeteria before running to my last meeting. The muffin barely making a dent in my hunger. Halfway through the last meeting I realized I had forgotten to put deodorant on. I can't even really tell you what these meetings were about. They just blended into the next one. I was going to go get some McDonalds on the way home so I go into the drive thru line. When I reached the speaker box to place my order they had a sign saying that there debit machines weren't working and it was cash only and I only had a dollar on me."

I wanted to laugh because these were just little things but I knew they were hiding the bigger picture.

"I'm sorry your day has been such shit, hun. Does it make you feel any better knowing that I have dinner in the oven right now?'

"Mmmm," he sounded giving into the movements of my fingers. We sit in a comfortable silence only breaking it to laugh.

"I'm sorry," Josh apologizes as he sits up on the couch, "I'm so sorry, Addison."

"For what?" I question unsure if he was talking about the other night or something else.

"For not being what you deserve. You deserve someone much better than me. I'm clearly a mess. My life is clearly a mess. And now I'm making your life a mess. I know this is not how you pictured your life would be. Don't give me the bull shit that it is. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry," his apology trails off as he begins to cry. I pull him into a tight hug and he wraps his arms around me, sobbing into the crook of my neck.

"You're right. This is not how I pictured it. But don't tell me that I deserve better because I don't. I deserve a man that cares about me, that loves me and that protects me. You go above and beyond that. So don't you ever… EVER question that again. Your messes are my messes. Your highs are my highs. Your lows are my lows."

He breaks from my embrace to look me in the eyes. I can see the life returning to them. Using my hand I wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"I love you, Addy. More than you know," he confesses.

"I think I have an idea," I return before kissing his lips. "I love you too."

We lean into each other to kiss once more but the monitor signals the awakening of Avery.

"I'll get him," he says before getting up. I lightly tap his butt as he stands. He turns giving back a cheeky smile.

As he's upstairs I set the table for dinner and I try to forget that we only have nine more left before he leaves.


	9. Seven.

The house is quiet. Only the sound of white noise fills the stale air. Josh has been gone for a few weeks now. The day I said goodbye was very hard. We've done this before but this time it was different. 

\---

I held Avery in my arms as we sat in our bed. He was getting over a cold so he was being extra snuggly. I flipped our tv to a children's cartoon. Avery watched that as I watched Josh pack the last few items into his suitcase.

"How long are you going for again?" I've asked him this multiple times, each time hoping for a different answer. 

"Slightly over three months," he replies, there's sorrow in his tone.

"The longest we've ever been apart," I blurt out my realization.

"I know, hun. It's going to suck. I'll call, text, Skype as much as I can," he looks at Avery, "God, I don't know if I can do this. Leaving the two of you."

"I don't know if I can watch you leave," I confess. 

He lies down beside me. I lift my head so he can put his arm around my shoulders. He places his other arm across so he's holding Avery as well. A perfect family moment about to be broken up by the notion of him leaving.

Josh sighs. "I got to go. The car is going to be here any minute to take me to the airport."

I feel the mattress move as the weight of Josh's body is released from the bed. There's an aching feeling in my stomach. I can feel my heart in my throat and it hurts to breathe. The persistent beating from the non-existent heart in my esophagus brings tears to my eyes. I try to subdue them as I don't like to be sad around Avery. 

"Shhh," Josh murmurs, "Please don't cry."

"I'm trying not to," I sniffle, clearly losing the battle.

"How about you two stay up here then. That way you don't have to watch me leave," he suggests. "It'll be like me heading into a different room."

I nod in approval at his idea. I grab hold of Avery and rise from the bed.

"We got to say good-bye to Daddy now, okay?" I speak to him in a childish tone.

"Da-da," he shouts. My jaw drops at the two syllables. Two sounds that have never been uttered by him before. I can see the tears forming in Josh's eyes. He opens his arms out to take him. He pulls him into a tight embrace and smothers him in kisses.

"Da-da," Avery babbles again tapping Josh's nose.

"That's right, Da-da," Josh coos, "I gotta go buddy. I'll see you later okay? I love you so much!" 

I can hear the break in his voice. 

"Please take him. I don't think I'll go if I keep him in my arms," he passes him over to me. "Good-bye Addy."

We kiss briefly. 

"I love you," I murmur.

"I love you more," he says back before picking up his suitcase and leaving the room.

"I miss you already!" I shout.

Then I hear the click of the front door and he's gone.

\----

I'm getting Avery dressed for tonight's festivities when I hear the all too familiar ring from my laptop. Josh is sending an invitation for us to chat. 

"Hey!" I exclaim so happy to see his face. He looks really tired. The film taking it's toll.

"Oh my God!" he laugh claps, "What are you wearing?"

"It's Halloween, Josh!" I do a little spin, "I'm Jessie from Toy Story!"

"Oh yeah, it's Halloween. I forgot. It's not really a thing over here. Well, not really a big deal. I'm so bummed to be missing his first Halloween with us." The look of sadness in his eyes pained me. I may be sacrificing things watching him as Josh works, but he misses out on the experiences with him.

"You know if you were here I would've forced you to wear the Andy costume," I laugh. I'll definitely get him next year.

"Oh God, we're going to be one of those families?" he mocks a look of disgust.

"Yupp," I over enunciate the 'p', "And it's going to be awesome!"

"I can't wait," he looks down from the camera. He's trying his hardest not to show his true feelings.

"You know what you make you feel better?" I ask.

"What?" his eyes light up.

"Seeing the little Buzz Lightyear," I bring Avery into frame. He starts waving frantically. It always amazes him how he can see and hear Josh through the computer. Sometimes when I'm sitting on the couch browsing the Internet and he sees the laptop he thinks I'm talking to Josh. When I tell him I'm not it makes him sad.

"Wow! Super cool! You going out trick-or-treating?" Josh asks.

Avery yells, "Mhmm!!"

"That's awesome! Are you going to get a lot of candy?" 

He nods his head up and down smiling.

I see Josh yawn and looking at the time I realize it's way past midnight over there.

"Get some sleep, hun. We'll talk to you soon."

"This sucks," he sticks out his bottom lip.

"One month down. Two to go," I utter. "I love you."

"I love you guys too," he smiles, "Goodnight Buzz Lightyear, get lot's of candy."

"Night Da-da," he waves.

"Bye," Josh chokes out before the screen goes dark.

Avery gives me a miserable look and I mirror his expression. At least we can be miserable together.

"Ready to get some candy, Buzz?"

"Yesssss," he hisses running towards the door.

I grab the mini jack-o-lantern bucket from the kitchen table and head towards the door.

"Two more months," I whisper.

Only sixty days and 5,525 miles between us.

We could manage.


	10. Eight.

This weekend was Thanksgiving. I knew it was just going to be the two of us as Josh's filming schedule didn't allow a break. I didn't mind. I was used to spending the holidays with myself. At least this year I had little Avery to spend it with. I'm sure his last Thanksgiving wasn't very special. He gave me the incentive to go a little overboard with the holiday season. Hence, the mother and son Halloween costume.

I picked up the smallest turkey I could find from the supermarket along with some child-safe craft paint. I looked up on the internet how to prepare a turkey. It seemed simple enough but I was sure I'd screw it up. I removed the giblets, rinsed, stuffed and glazed the bird before setting it into the oven, setting the timer for four hours.

I had Avery sitting in his high chair with some Cheerios as I completed the task.

"Are you excited about turkey, buddy?"

He nods.

"While it's cooking we're going to make our own turkeys. How's that sound?" I grab the remaining contents from the grocery bag before taping the brown bag to the table attachment of his chair. I grab a paper plate and squirt out mini piles of brown, orange, yellow and red. Avery just stares at it before placing his hand in the wet liquid. Once it was in his hand he didn't know what to do with it. The odd texture throwing him off. I grab hold of his little hand and place it on the paper. The notion makes his eyes light up. As I revel in the excitement of his face I'm too late when I notice his paint ridden hand coming towards my face.

I laugh, "Keep it on the paper!"

I check on the turkey and see my reflection in the oven. All four colours of paint making an appearance somewhere on my face. Just then I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. A text from Josh.

How are my two favourites doing today?

We're good. We miss you. I respond before taking a quick photo of myself with Avery in the background. I send it as a separate text.

Avery's painting has dried so I attempt to trace and cut out a few handprints. I grab an empty toilet paper roll from the guest bathroom and help Avery glue two goggly eyes to it. I finish assembling it then present it to him. 

"Wow! What an awesome turkey!" I exclaim before setting it on the dining room table. 

At that moment the front door swung open and in came Josh. My jaw drops and I suddenly become mute. There are no words to describe the shock and happiness I feel in this moment.

"Daad!" Avery shouts from behind me.

"How?" I ask, running towards him straight into a hug.

"I pulled a few strings and negotiated working on my days off. It'll suck but it's totally worth it," he kisses me softly, then passionately. He's the one to finally break off the kiss. I knew I wasn't going to stop.

"Hey, Avery! Whatcha painting?" he goes towards him.

"Turkey!" he yells as he points to the turkey contraption in the middle of the table.

"You sure are," Josh agrees. "Oh my God, Addy, are you cooking a turkey?" 

"Attempting to," I reply.

"I can't wait," he pulls me into another embrace.

"I still can't believe you're here."

\---

"Wow," he pushes his plate forward, "Add, that was fantastic. I'm stuffed."

"So was the turkey," I wink.

Josh groans, "That was bad."

"I take full responsibility."

"I've got a little surprise planned for the family for tomorrow," he says piking up the dishes from the table.

"What is it?" I ask excitedly.

"It's a secret!" Josh says but mouths, "Disneyland" to me. My mouth falls open again. This man constantly surprises me. 

We wake early to pack the Jeep. Avery falls asleep in his carseat instantly. My legs keep bouncing up and down. 

"You seem nervous, hun, what's wrong?" Josh looks at me briefly before retuning his eyes back to the road.

"I think I may be more excited about going to Disney than Avery will be," I admit. "I've never been."

"You've never been to Disney?" Josh shouts flabbergasted.

"I told you about my family, Josh. Do you think two parents who are addicted to crack would spend their money so their kid can experience the magicalness that is Disney?"

"I'm sorry." His apology genuine.

"Don't be. I'm going now. That's all that matters," I place my hand on his thigh giving him a soft smile.

The drive there only takes under an hour. My heartbeat picks up as we enter the parking lot. 

"We're here," Josh yells, putting one hand into the backseat to try and wake up Avery. He slowly opens his eyes and rubs the sleep from them. It looked like he was going cry but stopped when he looked out the window. 

"Ready?" he asks. 

"Are you?" I return, "This is the first public family outing since we've had Avery."

"Of course. Maybe we won't even get noticed."

We step out and head towards the gates. Our first stop was getting ahold of Mickey and Minnie mouse hats from a kiosk.

"He looks adorable!," I cry putting the little hat on him.

"So do you," Josh smiles tapping the top of my head.

We grabbed a map and head towards Fantastyland where we ride the Dumbo the Flying Elephant and board a pirate ship to Neverland.

We stood along a gate consulting our map for our next target. I looked to the left and saw the area where all the Disney princesses were.

"Josh," I tap his shoulder, "I want a picture with a princess!"

He laughs at me, "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously! I'll bring Avery so it's less weird. Please!" I whine.

"Okay. Okay." We head over and he takes photos of us with Ariel and Belle. I make him take a photo with Cinderella. 

From there we head to Mickey's Toontown. We roam the houses of the characters and take photos with the ones we see out and about. I was impressed with Avery's behaviour the whole time. I thought the large mascots would terrify him but he just stared at them in amazement. 

We stop for lunch at a small restaurant and split a pizza. We pick up a small bag of cotton candy for dessert. The look on Avery's face when he tasted the pink fluff was priceless. I was thankful for packing the amount of wet naps I did because his hands were such a sticky mess.

In the early afternoon, Avery became restless. We decided to head to Critter Country to visit Winnie the Pooh before heading home. The excitement wearing out Avery immensely. The drive home was silent. The day wearing out everybody. 

"Thank you for today," I whisper trying not to disturb Avery. 

"Its not a problem. I got to spend time with my family," he whispers back.

"You know, in the future, you go to take me back, just the two of us so I can go on all those rides."

"I know," he smiles.

The night ends up being just like any other night when Josh is home. I forget that he heads back to Paris in two days and cuddle up to him in bed as we watch television.

An alert goes off on his phone and he grabs it from the nightstand to check it. He releases a sigh before turning the screen towards me. His publicist sent him a news article with a photo of the three of us at Disney today.

"I guess we didn't go totally unnoticed," I reply. 

"Ugh, I hate this," he groans.

"Just ignore it and be thankful for the free family photos. It sucks but this comes with your job." I snuggle in closer to him.

The next two days go by quicker then I wanted them to. The three of us never apart until only two of us are coming home from the airport.


	11. Nine.

When Josh left to go back filming in France the overall mood back at home was depressing. I tried to keep my spirits up around Avery but I found myself to be a blubbering mess at night. Josh's contact with us was lacking due to the amount of extra work he had to put in in order to come home for Thanksgiving. 

One night when Avery and I were cuddled up on the couch watching Despicable Me we got a Skype call from Josh. He told me he left an envelope underneath the socks in his dresser drawer and for me to go grab it. I left Avery to talk with Josh while I sprinted up the stairs towards our bedroom. I found the manilla envelope buried underneath a few pairs of socks. My hands were shaking at what could be inside. I had an inkling it was going to be come thing special.

Bringing the envelope back downstairs I can see Avery giggling at the screen. A hearty laughter that only the presence of Josh can create. I sit on the couch, placing Avery on my lap.

Josh's smiling face turns sour. His eyes look down and he bites his lip.

"Listen, Add, I can't come home for Christmas," he confesses sharply.

"What?!" I gasp. "Why not? It's Christmas!"

"I know. I know. I'm so sorry. I got you an early Christmas gift. It's in that envelope. I want you to open it now. Can you do that for me?" There was a weird tone to his voice. There was a glint in his eyes. The one thing that gives Josh away when I know he's acting.

I tear open the flap and empty the contents on the table. A passport came out. When I opened it, Avery's face was inside. I looked back at the screen and squinted at Josh in confusion. I flipped the papers over and quickly covered my open mouth with my hand.

"YOU DID NOT," I yell.

"I did," Josh's face was now broken out into a smile.

The envelope contained plane tickets to Paris, France over the Christmas break. We were spending our first Christmas as a family in France. Seeing the Eiffel Tower in the winter has always been a dream of mine.

"How'd you get the time off?" I ask.

"Well, obviously, no one is working on Christmas. The director gave us 4 days off. I thought instead of me wasting two of those days flying down to see you guys, you could come here and see me for a week."

"Oh my goodness! This is insane, Josh!" I bounce Avery up and down in excitement, but then I realize a small problem.

"Wait," I pause, "Will they let me take him on a plane if he's not my biological son?"

"I already thought that part through, hun. In all legal documents now I have you listed as his mother."

I choke. My eyes filling up quickly with tears blurring Josh's face. 

"It's been eight months, Addy. If you were going to leave, you would've left already. I was okay to do this wasn't I?" there's doubt expressed on his face. His lips forming a firm line. His eyes wide waiting for an answer.

"Yes, Josh. Yes. Thank you," I wipe the tears from my cheeks and place a wet kiss on Avery's forehead. 

"Well, I got to go. I'm sorry to cut this short but it's very late over here. You guys leave in three days. I'll have someone come and pick you up from the airport if you don't hear from me, okay? I love you guys and I can't wait to have you guys here."

"Goodnight, Josh. I love you."

"Night Daddy," Avery moves his lips towards the webcam to send a kiss.

"See you soon," I whisper before the call ends.

Three days go by slowly. I spend the majority of them making sure I packed everything and reading up on how to deal with toddlers on airplanes. I didn't think much of it but I was going to have a twenty month old in a plane for eleven hours but Avery ended up sleeping most of the flight which was a miracle. 

We were greeted my a man in a suit holding a sign with my name on it and he took us and our luggage out to a black car. As soon as we set foot outside of the airport I fell in love. The air felt different. The sun felt different. This was the first time Avery was seeing snow. He was unsure at first but it grew on him. Josh was busy the first few days were were up so Avery and I explored the city taking photos and trying different foods. I took him into a chocolate store and let him pick a few things out at the toy shop.

Then it was Christmas. We had no tree filled with presents underneath. We had no Christmas dinner that had to be prepped hours and hours beforehand. We just had each other and that's all that we needed. 

I snuggle into Josh. "This is definitely the best Christmas I have ever had.Never in my life did I expect someone like you to walk into my life, Josh. I had a really crappy childhood and I had to work ridiculously hard to get past that. I wasn't dealt the best cards, but I see that those cards are changing."

He kisses my forehead. "I know, hun. I like how I can be my complete self around you. You know the perfect way to calm me down. You're so grateful over the simplest of things. Thank you for stepping up with Avery when I couldn't. I'd gladly give you the world, Addy."

"I know you would, Josh. But I don't need the world. I just need you two," I confess to him before placing my lips on his. "I love you."

"I love you too," Josh replies. We both turn our heads as we hear a slight knock on the door.

"Come in buddy!" Josh hollers and Avery's face soon appears. He walks over to the side of the bed and Josh helps him into it. Avery lies in the middle of us.

"Merry Christmas," I tell him.

"Mur Krismas, Muh-muh," he says and I am quickly taken aback. I never knew when it was going to happen and I never knew what was going to happen. I didn't know if he was ever going to see me as his mom or just someone constantly watching him. I thought it was going to be one of things where he calls Josh dad and me Addison. My eyes stings from the tears filling up my eyes.

"Don't cry, Muh-muh," he says that word again and I pull him into a tight embrace, quietly weeping.

"Mommy doesn't mean to cry, Avery. These are happy tears, not sad ones," Josh wipes them from my cheek before wiping a few of his own that had formed.

"How about we tour the city and take some family pictures," Josh suggests, "Then we can go tobogganing then come back here, order take out and watch a Christmas movie."

"That sounds amazing," I tell him.

The family spent the day walking the city. We of course got one of ourselves kissing with the Eiffel Tour gratefully snapped by a tourist. Walked around the outside of the Louvre. Saw the Arc du Triumphe. Later we went sledding and ate pizza while watching Elf. 

A perfect first Christmas together.


	12. Ten.

The rest of our time spent in Paris went by so fast. After Christmas Josh took us to tour around the set of "Je vais posséder votre coeur" and met up with some of his co-stars. Jealousy struck when I met his onscreen lover; Mélanie Laurent. She was exceptionally beautiful and watching her switch between English and French was amazing. But it wasn't her beauty and talent that got me the most. It was the fact that while I was stuck back in Los Angeles missing Josh she got to kiss him each day. I tried to hide the jealousy from Josh. He would never do anything to hurt me or Avery. I knew that.

It felt like we were always saying goodbye to each other, but this time apart wasn't going to last for long. He had only two weeks left of filming before he was all ours for a while. I miss having his presence around all the time. I miss hearing someone else's breathing from the bed. Someone to pour an extra cup of coffee for in the morning. Most of all, I missed the sex. Not just the physicality of it but the raw, unfiltered emotions that transpire. 

Those two weeks came and went in a flash. The next thing I knew, I was packing Avery in the car and we were off to pick him up from the airport. Avery was a few months away from turning two years old and it became evident each day in his behaviour. Temper tantrums were starting to become a normal occurrence. I knew I was going to dread the "terrible twos". At least I'd have Josh here for the most part.

His flight got in around six at night. It took him a good hour to get through customs. When we knew he was going to come through the doors I brought Avery over to the crowd of people waiting for family or limo drivers waiting for their clients. I put Avery onto my shoulders and made him hold a sign that read "I'm here to pick up my daddy". Within minutes the doors burst open and out pours the exhausted travellers. The room erupts into shouting as people try and grab the attention of someone. Josh appears at the doors and his eyes scan the room. Avery spots Josh as I can feel him flailing the sign above me. 

"DADDY," he shouting. My eyes meet Josh's and I know he's found us. I take Avery off of my shoulders and hold him in my arms. When Josh is close enough I let him down to run to him.

"Hey buddy!" he picks him up, "I've missed you."

Avery mumbles something to Josh that is inaudible to me. He's cuddled up in his arms and doesn't want to let go.

"Hey," I smile walking towards him.

"Hey," he smiles back before giving me a soft peck. At that moment flashing lights illuminated where we were standing. The paparazzi taking pictures of our private family moment.

I sigh. "You carry him. I got your suitcase. Let's go."

This was something I was never going to get used to. Every time our family is out in public we risk getting bombarded. We manage to make it to the car unscathed. None of them ended up following us to the car. Apparently, Brad Pitt was also on the plane and his photos are worth more than Josh's online.

Thank God for Brad Pitt, I think.

Josh buckles Avery into his car seat as I place his luggage into the trunk. In ten minutes were out of the airport and starting our journey back home.

"Did you eat on the plane?" I ask Josh. 

He nods. "I did, but I'm hungry now. Why?"

"Well, I fed Avery before we left but didn't bother making myself something. We can quickly stop and get a pizza or something?"

"Sounds great," he flashes me another smiles before placing his palm on my thigh. His hand begins to travel upwards and I send him a wink.

"Later."

\---

Josh comes back downstairs after putting Avery to bed. His hand rubs his eye as he yawns.

"Boy, is he getting grumpier."

"I know right? We're going to be in for a treat. Probably have to pick up some ear plugs for all the screaming," I joke.

"Listen, I'm going to go for a quick motorcycle ride, okay? I really missed riding it."

"Okay," I stick out my bottom lip. I didn't want him to leave again. Even if it was for a short period of time. Plus, I was promised some alone time with him.

He saunters over to me chuckling and wraps his arms around my waist, "I won't be took long, then when I come back I'm all yours."

I wrap my arms around the middle of his back, resting my face in his chest. I breathe him in, I missed his scent. He lets go of my waist and his hand finds my chin and he tilts it upwards before placing his lips on mine. I remove my arms from his torso and wrap them around his neck continuing the kiss. He picks me up and places me on the kitchen counter. My legs are spread open and Josh's body fills the gap. Our chests moving up and down sharply trying to catch a breath when our mouths separate for a second.

Josh is the first to pull away. He fingers knead my thighs and he plants a kiss on my forehead. 

"I'll be right back," he winks heading towards the garage.

"You can't do this to me Joshua Ryan Hutcherson! You cannot tease me then leave! It's not fair!" I shout, but not too loud to wake Avery.

"That's just a small preview of tonight," he says before leaving.

"Be careful!" I try to get in before the door shuts.

I hear the familiar sound of his motorcycle starting up and I run to the front window to watch him drive away. Hopefully he comes back soon.

I look down at my attire. Very plain. A white shirt and blue jeans. I should go for something a little bit sexier. A short black night gown and maybe some thigh highs. Curl some strands of my hair and put on a a little bit of black eye liner.

Forty five minutes pass and he's still not home. I don't his definition of short, but forty five minutes is not short to me. The hour mark comes and goes. I send him a text in case he stopped somewhere to see when he was coming home. At an hour and a half there is still not message or sign of Josh. I start to think he's out drinking with some friends again and it angers me. I take off the long socks and dress and put on sweat pants and a hoodie. I wipe the makeup from my eyes and pull my hair up in a bun. Two hours go by and I start to get worried. 

At the three hour mark I'm pacing the bedroom and constantly phoning his cell. My hands get shaky and my eyes get glassy. 

Suddenly, my phone goes off in my hand. The caller ID is unknown. I pick it up anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Addison Manning?"

"Yes, it is, who's this?"

"Dr. Smith from UCLA. Josh Hutcherson got into an accident."

What.


	13. Eleven.

"Hi, is this Addison Manning?"

"Yes, it is, who’s this?"

"Dr. Smith from UCLA. Josh Hutcherson got into an accident."

All air escapes from my lungs. My ear canals close up and anything the doctor is saying to me now isn't getting through. I grab a hold of the night table to stop myself from falling forwards. The synapses in my brain are firing off insane scenarios. 

Avery's face flashes up in one of them. His face is sad. He lost another parent. I lost my other half. We're both miserable and trying to deal with it. When he becomes a teenager he'll blame me for everything. He'll say his mother's death was my fault because I wasn't a good enough paramedic. He'll blame Josh's death on me because I allowed him to go out that night. We'll have a bitter relationship until he's able to get out of the house. He won't be gone for long though. He'll have substance issues and will be out of money. Only coming home for the hope of extra cash and a warm cooked meal. This happens for years and then one day it stops. He'll overdose just like his mother. 

I'm snapped from my horrid future vision by Dr. Smith repeating my name over and over through the phone.

"Sorry, w-what?" I stutter.

"He's stable, Miss Manning. He suffered a broken wrist, bruised ribs and a considerable amount of the skin on the left side of his body has patches of road rash."

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I sighed with relief. 

"He's okay?" I ask for reassurance, my voice shaky.

"He's okay. He'll definitely will be bed ridden for a bit so it can heal up. He has to stay here for a bit for monitoring. He lost a considerable amount of blood and has a possible concussion. We just want to make sure everything's in working order before he goes home."

"Can I come see him?"

"I'm sorry but not right now. He's resting. Visiting hours don't start until 10 a.m. but if you come for 8 I'll let the nurses know that I've allowed you the privilege," the doctor tells me.

He clears his throat to speak again, "It says here that apart from you his mother is also listed as an emergency contact. Would you like me to call… Michelle Hutcherson? Or would you want to do it yourself?"

Shit. His mom. I didn't even think of her until now.

"I'll give her a call. It's probably better if it comes from me. Getting a call from a hospital is frightening and takes your mind to awful places," my fingers run through my hair, an act I do when stressed.

"That's the option I would have went with Miss Manning. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?" he asks, a sincere tone in his voice.

"Not that I can think of. My mind is a jumbled mess right now," I say truthfully. If a telepathic were attempting to read my mind all they would get is nonsensical sounds.

"Okay. We'll talk some more tomorrow. Goodbye, Miss Manning."

"Goodbye." I hear the click of the other line going dead.

I slowly remove the phone from my face, sliding it down my cheek. When it's in my hand I end the call and place it on the table. I run my hands along my pants to remove the excess sweat. The clock reads 11:34 p.m., it's getting close to 3 in Kentucky. Do I call Michelle now or do I wait a couple of hours? 

"The sooner the better," I tell myself. Flipping through the contacts I find her name. I pause briefly before pressing call. The phone rings a few times before the sound of a groggy woman answers the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Michelle. It's Addison."

"It's three in the morning, Add. What couldn't wait until morning?" Her tone is rude but I know she doesn't mean it. I would act the same in her position.

"Josh is in the hospital," I manage to spit out. 

"Oh my God, is he okay? What happened?" she gasps, her pitch increasing.

"He got into a minor accident. He's stable though. Nothing major. Some road rash, bruised ribs and a broken wrist."

"That damn bike," she mutters, "Have you gone to see him?"

"Not yet. They won't let me until tomorrow. But we're going first thing. Sorry, for calling so late. I thought you'd want to know."

"It's okay, hun. I would've wanted you to. Listen, I'm going to hop on the next available flight down there, okay?"

I try and respond with an okay but I start to choke on my syllables. The situation beginning to take an affect on me as tears start to escape my eyes.

"Shh, Addison. It's okay. I should be there by late afternoon. I can stay for a couple of days to be an extra set of hands with Avery. Try and get some rest, sweetie. You'll need it for the upcoming days. I'll see you tomorrow." Her tone is so soothing and calms me down slightly. I know at times she has her issues with me but I deep down she cares for me.

"Call me when you land," I instruct.

"I will. Goodnight." She hangs up the phone. Once again, I end the call and place my phone on the nightstand. 

I try and steady my breathing to settle my nerves. I wrap myself up in a blanket and curl up on his side of the bed. I drift in and out of sleep but never fully succumb to slumber by the time Avery wakes up. I get him dressed and feed him some breakfast. While he's strapped in the high chair I sneak off to brush my teeth and try and freshen up my puffy eyes. My eyes glance at my reflection in the mirror. I look exactly how I feel. Terrible. I splash some cold water on my face in a last attempt at reviving myself. 

When I walk back into the kitchen, Avery had finished all his breakfast. After washing his face and hands I carry him out to the car. It's close enough to eight that we can leave. The drive over is nerve-wracking. I don't know how Josh is going to look. I immediately regret bringing Avery with me. I should have tried to get a hold of Andre or Heather. Seeing his father all banged up can scar a child. I can't even begin to imagine what he might have seen with his mother. I smack the steering wheel and curse under my breath. 

"We're already here," I mutter quietly. I park the car in the over-priced parking garage and take Avery out of his car seat. I grab his bag of toys before shutting the door and locking the car.

"We're going to see Daddy," I explain to Avery.

"Yay!" he squeals.

"Daddy got hurt so we have to be gentle, okay?" His bottom lip sticks out.

"He's okay, buddy. Just a big ouchie. Can you kiss it better for him?" 

He nods.

We enter the hospital and I find my way to the information desk. I ask for directions to room 346. The attendant tells me that visiting hours aren't for another hour and a half. I tell her I got special permission from Doctor Smith to come for 8. She doesn't believe me but rings his pager. Her phone rings shortly thereafter in which he confirmed what I was saying to be true. 

The attendant gives me a snobby look, "Fine, but I need to see some I.D."

I place Avery on the edge of the counter and rummage through the bag for my wallet. When I present it to her she inspects in thoroughly before finally granting me a pass.

I sigh, "Thank you."

Avery's arms are wrapped around my neck again as we head in the direction of Josh's room. We take a couple of wrong turns but finally reach the door. I knock a few times before walking into the room.

I don't know what I expected but I was definitely surprised at the state Josh was in. He was hooked up to some IV's and he had multiple bandages wrapped around his torso, arms and leg. Avery started shouting, "Daddy!" which stirred Josh from his slumber.

"Hey buddy," he croaks. His eyes are slits not fully accustomed to the bright lights. He rubs them a few times before opening. His eyes fall on my face.

"Hi baby," his tone so happy and yet sad.

"Hi Josh," I mimic his tone. "You gave us quite a scare last night. What the hell happened?" I quickly cover my mouth when I realize I said 'hell' but luckily Avery wasn't paying attention.

"I wasn't doing anything I didn't normally do. I was weaving through the traffic then some asshole…," I glare at him, "Sorry butthead, cut me right off, sending me off my bike and onto the road." He moves his body slightly and winces in pain.

"I kiss daddy's ouch?" Avery asks. 

"Okay, but remember you have to be gentle." I pick the toddler up so he can kiss Josh's bandages. I try and put him down after a few but he insists on kissing all of them. Josh smiles as he watches him do it.

"Thanks buddy, I feel so much better already."

"I called your mom. She's coming in later this afternoon. She's going to watch Avery for a few days while I take care of you," I squeeze his hand.

"I like the sounds of that," he raises his eyebrows a couple times.

Dr. Smith stands in the doorway and clears his throat to signify his presence. Everyone turns in that direction.

"How you feeling today, Mr. Hutcherson?" he asks.

"In pain, but better than yesterday," he replies.

"Good. We can probably get you discharged later today," he turns to me, "Miss Manning, would you mind coming out into the hall so I can explain to you how to care for his wounds?"

"Sure. I was a paramedic so I think I have a good understanding already," I set the bag of toys down on the floor for Avery before heading towards the door.

"Wonderful. I'd just like to reiterate a few things just to make sure."

We step out into the hall and he explains how to change the dressing and wash the wounds. How long Josh should stay in bed. Things he should stay away from for a while. No new information. 

All I could think about is how much fun it's going to be to play Doctor with Josh.


	14. Twelve.

Josh got discharged today. His mom stayed home with Avery while I went to the hospital. There was a lot of paperwork to fill out, medications to make a note of and supplies for changing the dressings. When everything was taken care of they put him in a wheelchair to transport him to the car. He was not a fan of that. I think it bruised his ego a bit. He fought the nurses on it saying he was fully capable of walking to the car himself. The nurses played along and agreed to it in order to humour him. He took a few steps on his own and winced in pain. He recently just took a pill that had dizziness listed as a side effect so it was no surprise when he grabbed hold of the wall to steady himself. After those three steps he sunk back into the chair, begrudgingly. 

I felt so bad watching him struggle. In that moment I wished that I could switch places with him. I didn't like seeing him in agony. 

They waited in the lobby while I pulled the car around. I put it in park at the entrance and waved at the doors. A nurse wheeled Josh out shortly after. He had a baseball cap hanging low on his head and sunglasses on. Shit, paparazzi, I thought. I took a look around for any "suspicious" activity. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

The nurse opened the passenger door and helped him into the seat. She took the seat belt and wrapped it around his body before placing it into the buckle. Josh just stared blankly ahead clearly humiliated. 

"We'll be home soon, hun," I put my hand on his arm placed on the arm rest. The nurse shuts the door and I give her a kind nod.

He just nods in response, his mouth in a firm line. 

"So, hospital food. That must've sucked," I try and start a conversation, "Want to go through a drive-thru on the way home? McDonalds? Taco Bell? Whatever you want."

"I don't care," he grumbles.

"You don't care?" I reply in a slightly nasty tone.

"I don't care," he screams back.

"What the fuck is your issue?" I yell back, keeping my eyes on the road.

"I'm sick and tired of people treating me like I'm broken. Like, if I don't get my way or they don't do things for me I'm going to break. I am fully capable of doing things myself. I don't constantly need everybody's help! Everybody needs to stop taking pity on me!" His fists our now balled.

I see where he's coming from with this outburst but I don't like being yelled at. My patience the last couple of days wearing thin. I've had to deal with a screaming toddler, a nagging mother, next to no sleep and now a pissed off, injured boyfriend.

"God forbid I ask you if you want food Josh! It's not like I'm going to feed it to you!" My palms hit the steering wheel hard in frustration as we sit at a red light.

"You know I'm really sorry this happened to you. It was fucking terrible. It must've hurt a whole lot. People catering to your every need that really sucks. Did this accident not give you any fucking perspective? Did you not think of anyone else? You could've died, Josh! Can you imagine how I would feel if that happened to you? Put yourself in my shoes, Josh. Do you even have a will? What would I have been left with if you were gone? Nothing. I would be jobless and have an almost two year old child to care for. Get off your high horse and stop thinking of just yourself for once."

I pull into our driveway and park the car. I burst into tears and rest my forehead on the steering wheel. My chest heaves up and down as each sob breaks through. I collect myself and get out of the car. Josh is just sitting there once again staring blankly ahead. I come around to the passenger door and open it for him. Out of spite, I unbuckle his seatbelt for him. 

"Alright, macho man who doesn't need anybody's help. Walk yourself into the house," I fold my arms across my chest. 

Josh manages to get his legs free and placed on the pavement. He uses the car in order to pull himself up. His face twists and scrunches from the pain. He manages to get in an upright position. He hobbles to the side to close the car door. With each passing second, I feel like a massive bitch watching him wobble. He takes a few more steps forwards before it looks like he's going to nose dive. I run up to catch him. I wrap his arm around my shoulders and help him into the house. At this point, he puts most of his weight on me.

When we get through the front door, Michelle is standing there watching with sadness. Her mouth opens as if she's about to speak and I quickly mouth to her, don't say anything.

Josh insists that he be taken to our bedroom even though there is a guest bedroom on the main floor. It takes a solid five minutes to get him to the top and onto the bed.

I pull a pill bottle out my purse.

"Take two of these. I'll get you some water," I pick up an empty glass from the bedside table and walk into the joining bathroom. I turn on the tap and fill it with the clear liquid. Not once do I look at my reflection in the mirror. I know I look terrible.

I place the glass in his hand and watch as he takes the pills.

"Rest now. When you wake up it's time for a shower," I mutter before turning to walk out of the room.

"I'm sorry," Josh exclaims.

"I'm sorry, too," I respond as I exit.

Our relationship is being thrown at a lot of obstacles. I hope we can make it through.


	15. [Thirteen]

My eyes are heavy and slowly start to close. As I’m about to fall asleep a coughing from upstairs jolts me upright. Josh has awoken from his medication-induced sleep and it’s time for me to wash and change his dressings. I stretch out my stiff limbs and a few cracks are felt giving me a slight pleasure. I remove the small bit of sleep from my eyes and adjust them to the brightness of my surroundings. Avery is sitting in his small, fluffy Elmo chair watching cartoons as Michelle sits behind him on the opposite couch reading a magazine. 

"I can do it if you want," she asks noticing my exhaustion.

I give her a small, side-smile. “It’s okay. I can handle it.”

"It’s pretty gross looking," she admits.

"I was a paramedic, Michelle. I’ve seen a lot worse."

I grab the necessary tools from the bag given to us from the doctor. When I reach the top of the stairs, I knock slightly on the door frame before entering, in an attempt not too scare Josh. He turns his head to the side and looks at me with a grimace on his face. 

"Washing time," I say.

"I can do it myself," Josh mutters.

"Yes, I’m sure you are fully capable of washing yourself but I know you’d do a half-assed job in order to get it done as quick as possible."

He doesn’t say anything back.

"Am I right?" I question.

"Yes," he whispers. "I just…never mind."

"No, tell me," I sit on the edge of the bed softly dragging my fingers up and down his bare arms.

"I don’t want you to see me like this. I’ve relied on you too much already with Avery and having to quit your job. I need you. I need you so much right now and that scares me. All this pressure is being put on you and one day you’re going to snap and leave."

I’m taken aback by his confession and take a short time to fabricate a response. “What’s with you always assuming I’m going to leave you? I’m not Josh. What happened to that cliche saying, ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst than you don’t deserve me at my best’? There’s going to come a time where I am going to need you, Josh. And I know you are going to be there for me. So let me be here for you. Let me help you.”

"Okay," he whispers. 

"I love you," I kiss his shoulder.

"I love you, too."

"Now let’s get you in the shower. I’ll do my best to make it as quick and painless as possible." He wraps his arm around my neck and I help him stand upright. I gave him a few seconds to gain control of his limbs before attempting to move towards the shower. There was a bench installed in his shower and at this moment, I was grateful for it.

I sat him on the tiled seat and removed his boxers and socks. 

"I guess, I’m going to have to get naked aren’t I?" I said aloud I was trying to figure out the logistics.

"I’m not complaining," Josh said with an attempt in humour.

I slowly stripped out of clothes until I was standing in front of him completely bare.

"Beautiful," he gasped, his eyes looking me up and down.

"You’re not too shabby yourself," I ruffle up his hair. "Ready?"

"Can I have a washcloth?" he asks.

"Sure…why?" I ask curious to his request.

"Hide my manhood. I anticipate this shower is going to more painful than pleasurable. I’d rather you not see it in sadness," he admitted.

I stifle a giggle to the best of my ability, “Josh, one day you are going to get me pregnant and you’re going to watch my vagina stretch and tear. I think I can handle a limp dick. Plus, wouldn’t you rather me paying more attention to your wounds than your junk?”

"You’ve got a point," he starts to laugh but the pain causes him to stop abruptly. 

"Sorry," I murmur.

"Just get it over with," he groans.

I moved the nozzle of the shower head so that it would spray on the side of him that wasn’t injured. 

"The plan is to wash hair, wash wound then get out. I’m turning the water on now. Are you ready?" I ask.

"No, but this needs to happen so go for it."

I turn the shower on and cold water gushes out and I jump a little. Goosebumps spread across our skin. Within seconds the water started to heat up. I grab the bottle of 2in1 shampoo and squirt some into my hand. I lather the liquid in Josh’s hair before massaging it in. His eyes shut to enjoy the contact. 

I put a little more in my hand and quickly rub it through my hair, taking this opportunity to shower as well.

I get Josh to tilt his head to the side and I fill up a large plastic cup with water. Once it’s full I dump it over his head. It takes two more times to completely wash out the lather. I grab a bar of soap and quickly run it along the parts of his body left unharmed. Then came the hard part. The wounds.

I grab a bottle of iodine from the bag, “Okay. We only have to do this once. It’s going to hurt like a bitch, but it has to be done. It’s going to clean out everything that shouldn’t be in there.”

I step out and grab a washcloth from the sink counter. 

"Here," I hand it to him, "You’re going to need something to grip or bite on."

He takes it from my hand and bunches it up in his fist. I can see his whole body tense in anticipation for the nasty liquid. 

"I promise to do this as fast as I can, okay, hunnie. Ready?"

His eyes close as he nods. I unscrew the cap of the bottle and begin to pour it over the targeted areas. His body starts to wriggle in pain and I notice the washcloth has moved from his fist to his mouth. I make sure to get every area as quickly as possible. 

I turn the shower off and kneel down in front of him. He’s shaking and sobbing, the cloth still being bitten. 

I kiss his forehead and rub along his shoulders to try and calm him down. I wipe the tears from his eyes and gently remove the cloth from beneath his teeth. 

"I’m so sorry, Josh." Seeing him like this was awful. "Come on, let’s dry you off and get you into bed."

I slipped my old, long t-shirt back on before grabbing a towel to pat him dry. Getting him to stand up was harder than before as his whole body was exhausted from the shock of the shower. When I got him upright he put his entire weight on me. I ended up picking him up and carrying him into the room.

As he was laying on the bed exposed I slathered ointment all along where the road rash had got him. Then I wrapped them up in bandages.

"It’s over," I whisper. I grab a pair of loose shorts and pull them up his legs. I take another few pills from the bottle in my purse and hand them to him.

"These will knock you out as your pain subsides," he takes them and swallows them back instantly without water. 

"I hate it when you see me cry," he admits.

"It doesn’t make you any less of a man. It makes you human. I don’t like seeing you cry. It hurts me. I wish I could share the pain, but I can’t. Get some rest, sweetie."

"Doc said I should be relatively healed in three weeks. Do you know what that means?" His eyes begin to get droopy and his speech slurring. The sadness dissipating from his face.

I think three weeks ahead, “Well Valentine’s Day is around then.”

"Bingo!" he shouts. "Well, we won’t play bingo. I was thinking along the lines of… sexxxxxxxx."

"Shhh," I hush him as he’s practically screaming.

"Can we get another dog, Addie?" he asks with the voice of a child.

"Sure," I answer combing his damp hair with my fingers.

"Tomorrow?" he asks, his mouth going slack.

"When you’re better, hun," I return but I know he doesn’t hear me as soft snore begin to escape from him.

I too yawn and take up residence at the other side of the bed. The past couple of days wiping me out. Before shutting my eyes I take one last look at him and smiled.

I’m grateful that he is alive.


	16. Fourteen [Valentine's Part 1]

"Hey Addison are you almost ready?" Josh hollers from the foyer. He was taking me away for the weekend before Valentine's Day. His mother had left a little over two weeks ago so Andre graciously agreed to babysit Avery for us. I was rushing around upstairs making sure everything was available for Andre. I had sticky notes posted everywhere, our schedule printed out, meals pre-planned, outfits pre-set and a long list of telephone numbers to call on the fridge incase there was an emergency. 

"I think he can handle it, Add," I hear Josh's voice from behind me. When I turn around he's leaning against the door frame with his arms folded across his chest. 

"I know," I sigh still scrambling, "I just want everything to run smoothly." This will be the first time since he entered our lives that I will be leaving him for more than a day.

"We'll only be an hour away, babe. It's not a different country. It'll be fine. Let Uncle Andre get in some bonding time while we're away. We've been hogging him for far too long," he says as he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. 

I turn around to face him and kiss his lips gently. Josh reciprocates the tenderness.

"Okay," I agree. 

"That's my girl," Josh beams as he smacks my ass before we leave the bedroom.

As I walk down the stairs I can see Andre and Avery laying on the living room carpet with a bunch of toys thrown about. Avery's stringing random words together and Andre's acting like he knows exactly what's going on. In that moment, I felt sure this was a good decision.

"Okay, you two, be good," I joke as I pat Andre on the head. "C'mere buddy, let mommy say good-bye." I embrace him for longer than intended and cover his face in kisses.

"Love you. Miss you," I tell him before handing him off to Josh.

"Bye little man. Have fun with Andre, okay?" he tickles his side and Avery laughs. He kisses his forehead before setting him back down the carpet.

"Thanks again, man," Josh and Andre bump fists.

"It's not a problem guys. Now go! Before you end up spending the weekend here." He shoos us away with his hands.

Josh nudges me towards the front door until I am completely out giving me no opportunity to turn around. We get into the car and I buckle myself into the seat. I turn to Josh with my bottom lip sticking out.

"I miss him already," I whine.

"Me too, hun. He'll be fine. I promise," he places his palm on my thigh and gives it a tight squeeze before putting the car into reverse. 

"If your leg starts to hurt we can switch spots," I tell him.

"Stop worrying, Addy! I'm fine," he puts in a mixed CD, "Now get ready for the most romantic weekend of your life!"

I roll my eyes, "You're such a cheese ball!"

"Your cheese ball," he returns.

"If this is any indication on how this weekend is going to go I'm sure in for a treat."

We both laugh.

We arrive at the hotel close to dinner time. The place was a little gem on the outskirts of the city. The valet takes the car and we wheel our suitcases into reception. Our hotel room overlooks a lush botanical garden and in the distance you can see the outline of the city skyline.

"This place is beautiful," I murmur to Josh, "Where did you find this place?"

"Jen stayed here a while ago and recommended it. I was waiting for the perfect opportunity to take you here," he replies.

My stomach starts to grumble, "What are our dinner plans?"

"Already preordered. Should be here in fifteen minutes."

"Wow, I'm impressed," I smile.

A knock at the door signals the arrival of our meal. A waiter dressed in a tuxedo wheels a cart into the dining area. He sets a few trays onto the table and removes the silver tops displaying what was hidden inside. A tray with filet mignon was placed in each of our places, another with miscellaneous finger foods and lastly one filled with chocolate dipped strawberries. He places a candle in the middle of the table and lights it before filling up our champagne glasses. Josh hands the gentleman a hefty tip before he departs. 

"You know a way to a girl's heart," I comment as I eye all the food.

"Eat up, you'll be needing the energy for later," I choke on a sip of champagne.

The meal was absolutely delicious. Not a crumb or drop of alcohol was spared. Our dinner went from casual to raunchy as the champagne bottle began to slowly empty. By the end feet were resting on his lap and we were feeding each other strawberries from across the table. 

I raise my eyebrows, "We should order another bottle!"

"No, no, no," Josh shakes his head, "I would like to have sex with you tonight."

"Oh?" was all I could manage. 

He gets up from his chair and saunters over to his luggage. He grabs a small pink bag and places it in my hands. When I open it I pull out tasteful black lingerie and smile. I rush over to the washroom and put it on. I was thankful I placed my cosmetics bag in here as I put on some heavy jet black eyeliner and mascara. Once comfortable with my appearance I exited the room. When I entered the bedroom I found Josh already stripped of his clothes.

"Hey!" I shouted, "Half the fun is stripping the clothes off you!"

"Turn around I want to get the full 360," he ignores my remark and I give him a little spin.

When I face him again his tongue is wetting his dry lips and his eyes are fixed on me. I slowly crawl onto the bed towards him before straddling him. 

"You look so sexy, Addison," he growls as his hands grab the back of my head and pulls me down towards him. Our mouths meet and his tongue enters mine. I suck on it gently before circling it with my tongue. We part and my mouth goes for his bottom lip. I give it a little bite and tug causing Josh to groan involuntarily. We part again and this time his lips go for the crook of my neck and he starts to suck gently. The feeling of his moist mouth on my hot flesh quickens my heart rate and sends tingles to my nether region. I can't help but moan in response.

Josh rolls me onto my back and now he's hovering over me. He places his thumb in my mouth and I suck and tease it with my tongue. He takes it out and uses the wet digit to create circles on my clit.

"Oh fuck, Josh!" I scream, my eyes close. When I open them again I see he's moved lower. His mouth leaving a trail of kisses down my thighs. Just when I'm about to beg his tongue plunges into me and moves at the same pace as his thumb.

"Mmm," I moan. He replaces his tongue with two fingers and moves them in and out slowly at first then quickens when he sees the need displayed on my face.

"You're so fucking wet for me, baby," he mentions before placing his tongue onto my clit. 

"Fuck, I'm gunna come," I wail and just when my warning leaves my lips my walls begging to contract around his fingers.

"Josh! Fuck! Yes!" I shout.

His fingers move slowly as I ride out the last of the waves. As he removes them I sit up and pull his face towards mine and kiss him. 

"I need you. Now," I whisper in his ear.

Not wasting anytime he pushes me back down onto the bed and removes my panties. The forcefulness exciting me. The tip of his hard cock teasing my entrance before plundering inside. We both gasp at the feeling of the first thrust.

"You're so tight. Oh my God!" Josh cries out.

My fingers find his buttocks and pulls him in deeper.

"Holy shit," we moan in unison. His pace speeds up with the new-found depth. The room filled with pants and moans. The bedsheets covered in our sweat. I drag my fingers down his slick torso and can feel that the muscles in his abdomen are beginning to tighten. This usually signals that he's close to his release. Judging by the decrease in his speed and concentrated look on his face he doesn't want to stop just yet.

"Give in to it, Josh," I get out choppily.

"Not… yet," he fights back but by the way his eyes are rolling back into his head I know he's losing his own battle.

"That's it," I pant, feeling my own release beginning to build once more.

He's the first to give in as he wails my name mixed with obscenities. Hot spurts of liquid shooting inside me as I orgasm for the second time. Josh collapses on top of me, our sweaty bodies causing us to stick. Our chest heave up and down sharply to catch our breaths. He soon detaches himself from me and I can feel some of our combined fluids escape. Josh uses one of those useless decorative comforters to clean it up.

I sleepily turn on to my side and Josh cuddles in behind me kissing the back of my shoulder blade.

"I love you Addison," he murmurs.

"I love you too, Joshua," I murmur back.

This weekend was going to be fantastic.


	17. Fifteen [Valentine's Part 2]

I wake up an hour later in a blissful daze. Our raunchy sex romp causing my muscles to ache as I attempt to stretch them out. As my arms stretch above my head they make contact with Josh's shoulder blade. I move away quickly so I don't wake him just yet. He looks so peaceful. His head turned to the side resting in the crook of his elbow. His back moving up and down at a slow, even pace. He looked so much younger in that moment. The woes of young parenthood and constant travel for work taking its toll on some of his features. He was calm. He was beautiful. I couldn't help but smile as a soft snore escaped his slightly open mouth. 

My gazing came to an end when my phone began to vibrate on the night stand. I silently cursed myself for putting it on a hard surface. I grabbed the device as quickly as I could but the damage was already done. Josh woke up.

"Hey," he groggily muttered.

"Hi," I smile back. His eyes aren't fully open and adjusted to being awake. 

"Look," I hand my phone over to him. Andre had sent a photo of Avery sitting in the tub. "I miss him already."

"Aww," Josh sounds, "I should've told him not to send any photos."

He moves to sit up and twists to crack the muscles in his back and neck.

"Do you think it's too soon to call?" I ask, picking at the skin around my nail.

Josh checks the clock on the table before replying, "No. It's around his bedtime now. We can call and say goodnight."

Without hesitation, I hit call under Andre's name. It rings a few times before he picks up.

"Hello Addison. Everything is fine!" he answers facetiously.

"I'd sure hope so," I giggle, "Is Avery still awake?"

"He is but he's busy at the moment," he replies.

"What does that mean?" I ask confused.

"I'm kidding," Andre returns, "Want me to turn on FaceTime?"

"That would be perfect! Thank you!" A few seconds later Andre's face fills the screen.

"Here you go little man. Daddy and mommy are on the phone," he passes off his cell phone to Avery which he grabs upside down.

"Hey buddy!" we say in unison.

A tiny-toothed smile fills up the screen.

"You being good for Uncle Andre?" Josh asks.

"Mhmm," he sounds, flailing the phone back and forth.

"Ready for bed?" I look at the clock and notice it's getting close to nine. He should be in bed by now.

"Yes, momma," he pulls the phone back unintentionally and I can see he's wearing his Batman pyjamas.

"Good boy," I smile. 

"Goodnight Avery," Josh chimes in.

"Night night," I blow a kiss to the screen. He blows one back before setting the phone down and walking away. Andre picks up the phone and send a little wave.

"Have fun you two. Enjoy the rest of the weekend." He ends the call.

We both sigh as the screen goes black. 

"I got to say, I'm impressed with Andre's babysitting skills. He looks like he's got a handle on everything and Avery has taken a liking to him," I remark as Josh nods in agreement.

"Room service and round two?" I suggest, raising one brow.

"You read my mind," he wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me down towards him to kiss my forehead. I reach for the menu in the drawer and we browse through all our options his arm never leaving my shoulder.

Always in constant contact.

\---

The next day comes quickly and early. We forgot to shut the curtains last night so the morning sun very brightly shines into our room. I rub my eyes and yawn as I make my way to the large window. 

"Holy shit," I gasp as I realize the view in front of me. When we arrived yesterday we didn't give the place a good look around. We went straight for the food and the bed. Outside our bedroom window there is a vast botanical garden. Directly in front of our window there is a small pond with a woman holding a peacock made entirely of flowers. I grab my phone and snap a few photos.

I become so entranced at the different sights of the outdoors that I don't hear Josh sneak up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist. His touch startling me.

"Morning, beautiful," he kisses the crook of my neck. His scent begins to fill my nose.

"Morning, handsome, you scared me," my heart was still pounding.

"Sorry," he murmurs into my skin, my eyes close to enhance the feeling. If I could freeze this moment in time I would.

"This place is insane," I comment, "Have you looked outside yet?"

His eyes scan the outdoors quickly and widen. "Damn. Jen wasn't kidding when she said there were people made of garden."

"Let's take a walk through it after breakfast," my stomach grumbles angrily.

"Deal," Josh kisses me once more.

After the standard eggs, toast, and bacon meal we showered as quickly as a couple sharing a shower would and donned some comfy clothing. We held hands, our fingers intertwined with one another. It felt like I was in high school again. It was reaching noon so the sun was shining intensely overhead making it feel quite warm. I unlinked my fingers to roll up the sleeves of my cardigan.

"It's absolutely gorgeous out here," I remark, "I can't believe someone create this out of plants! Thank you, again for bringing me here, it means a lot, Josh." 

"Only the best for my favourite girl," he gleams. 

Normally, I would smack him for being so corny but, I was starting to embrace this corny, hallmark holiday. So I responded with an, "aw."

"Listen," Josh starts, "Spending the night here wasn't my only intended gift. I also wanted to do something for the family. How about we check out of here and make our way to the animal shelter before heading home?"

"We're getting a dog?!" I shrieked so loudly an elderly couple nearby gave me a frightened look.

"I mean, you did promise me one once I got better from my accident," he responded smiling.

"You speak the truth, Hutcherson. I can't wait to go pick one out!"

\---

The whole ride back from the shelter, Morris; our new black lab, spent the trip with his head outside the window. We were so excited to bring him home to meet Avery. There were so many dogs that would have made a great addition to our family. We just needed to be sure that the one we chose would be good around a toddler. Morris seemed gentle and kind. He wasn't jumpy or hyper. We knew judging by how protective he was over his chew toy he would be just as protective around Avery.

"We're home," Josh announces as he turns the engine off.

"Time to meet the rest of the family, Morris," I scratch under his ears before kissing the top of his head. I attach the leash to his collar before opening the door. I hope adding a furry addition to our family was a step in the right direction.


	18. Sixteen.

"Did you get the balloons, Josh?" I yell from the kitchen as I wash dishes from breakfast. 

"I did," he answers.

"What about the cake?" I shout.

"It's in the fridge," Josh replies, his eyes fixated on the television screen.

Today, we are having some family friends and a few small children over to celebrate Avery's 2nd birthday. Ever since we got back from our little Valentine's getaway things have been a little hectic with getting ourselves adjusted to having a toddler and a dog. The house is constantly a mess and these days I just don't have the energy to clean up after them. I don't know what it is but I haven't been feeling like myself lately.

"How does the living room look?" I was attempting to assemble a bunch of toddler safe foods yet have some adult choices. The guests were set to arrive within the hour.

"It looks lived in," Josh yells back, his eyes still on the screen.

"Can you tidy it up a bit, please?" I instruct, I think I hear him sigh.

"The kids are just going to rip the house apart anyways. I'll clean it up after," he's right so I drop it.

I'm pulling the last tray of pigs in a blanket out of the oven when the first guest arrives. I was surprised when Josh got off his ass to answer the door. Once he's engrossed in a basketball game it's hard for him to focus his attention on anything else. I quickly run into the living room and turn off the television. Josh sees me as I re-enter the kitchen with a "cmon" look on his face.

"You can get updates of the game from your phone," I turn around to pull out the red and navy paper plates from their bag and set them on the table. A few more guests filter in after that. As I cut up some cheese squares and crackers a woman walks into the kitchen. We put Avery in a daycare a couple days a week so he could get acquainted with other children.

"Need any help?" Megan asks.

"I'm fine thank. This is the last of it," I respond.

"My husband put up a fuss about missing the game too," she says hushed before winking.

I give her a polite smile and mutter, "men."

As I walk past her into the dining room I catch a whiff of her perfume and I get an instant headache. Her floral scent wrapping it's vines around my brain and tying a tight knot. I have to grab ahold of the table to steady myself as the room spins in front of me. 

"Are you okay, dear?" Megan asks, her eyes full of concern. She touches my arm in sympathy and the smell fills my nostrils once more this time trying to make this mornings breakfast make an appearance.

"I'm going to go lie down for a second," I whisper, "Excuse me."

The guest bedroom is just down the hall and I make it there in the knick of time. The porcelain bowl being my friend for the next ten minutes.

"Great," my words echo into the bowl, "I would get the flu at his birthday party." I take a few deep breaths before sitting upright. The ill feeling in my stomach slowly fades but the pounding in my head remains. I slowly stand to check the cabinet to see if I left any Tylenol and luckily I had.

As I'm sweeping my hair to the side to take a gulp of water from the sink I hear a light knocking at the door. Setting the pill down I go see who it is.

I'm expecting Josh when I open the door but I am greeted by Megan, just the sight of her reminds me of the smell which sends me running back into the washroom. When I am done emptying my stomach contents I enter the bedroom to find her sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"I'm sorry. I think I'm coming down with the flu. Makes sense as to why I've been feeling so crappy the past couple of weeks," I say as I take a seat next to her on the bed. I don't need to give her a reasoning but I like the idea of having a female friend around so I open up. 

"I don't think it's the flu sweetie," she rubs her hand up and down my back soothingly.

"What else could it be?" I ask worriedly and completely oblivious.

"A couple of us mothers have noticed a slight change in your appearance each time you've dropped Avery off at daycare," she starts, "At first we thought it was nothing and each kept our opinions to ourselves but it's becoming more obvious each day."

"What do you mean?" I ask, still oblivious.

"Are you tired constantly?" 

"I am, but I'm not fully adjusted to taking care of a dog and kid at the same time," I respond. 

"Okay," she smiles, "Are your breasts tender?"

"Excuse me," I spit, the questions catching me off guard.

"Sorry," Megan mumbles. When I'm over the personal-ness of the question I realize that my breasts have been feeling quite tender to the touch lately and that none of my bras were fitting properly.

"It's okay, you're actually right," I admit, my face feeling flush. Soon after my eyes begin to fill with tears and I start to sob into my hands. I don't what has come over me and I'm embarrassed of doing it in front of her. 

"Roller coaster of emotions happening too?" she asks as she tries to calm me down.

I nod as I sniffle.

"You still don't know what I'm getting at do you?" Megan remarks.

"I don't," I reply honestly, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"When was your last period?"

As soon as the answer leaves her mouth I can feel all the colour leave my face. 

And I know she's absolutely right.

I think I'm pregnant.


	19. Seventeen.

The timer is set for five minutes. I already know the result but I humour myself. When Megan and I joined the party after our talk it was all I could think about. I was absent in conversations and wasn't fully engaged into Avery's party. I did my best to conceal my inner freak out but Josh saw right through it. He kept asking, "what's wrong?" and "are you okay?" and I always responded with, "I'm fine, just a little under the weather." He accepted the answers as to not cause a scene but judging by the look on his face he wasn't convinced by my charade. I wanted to tell him what was going on but I had to be sure the news was true before I revealed it. 

Would Josh be happy that I am pregnant? Of course he will, he would be over the moon. I always thought that marriage was going to be the next step in our relationship but with how things have panned out in the last year it makes sense that it isn't. 

The thought of bringing another child into our family excites me and it also scares me. I am afraid that I will be more attached to this one because I gave birth to it. Or when Avery gets older I hope he doesn't think I will favour this child over him because it's mine and he wasn't. I know that this is just nerves talking and I will love them both equally but the thoughts sure are scary.

The timer goes off loudly and I can't believe the five minutes are already up. I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub with the test flipped over in my hand. My knees bobbing up and down with nerves. With one deep breath I turn the plastic over.

That's when I am faced with two pink lines.

Pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

My hand moves up to cover my mouth. Some tears shed over the news that I wipe away with the back of my hand. Our lives are about to get crazier. 

I hear the front door shut, Josh getting back from playing basketball with some friends. I quickly wipe the remnants of tears from my face and splash some cold water on my face. I hide the test in a box of tampons before exiting the bathroom. 

I'm not going to tell him yet. 

\---

"Hello Miss Manning," the Doctor greets me as he enters the room.

"Hello," I reply nervously.

"It says here you scheduled an ultrasound today. Expecting are we?" he gives me a polite smile.

"I believe so," I utter back.

"Well we'll spread the jelly over your stomach and take a look shall we?" 

All I could do was nod. My nerves were shot in this moment. I would truly face reality in a couple of minutes.

The technician squirts the jelly onto my lower abdomen. I flinch at the coolness of the liquid. She turns the monitor on before reaching for the wand. The wand touches my stomach and slowly glides across. My eyes are fixed on the screen. I get a little worried when nothing shows up but then I see the little blip on the screen.

"There it is," the technician exclaims. She points at the monitor showing me where the heartbeat is. "Congratulations!"

Pure joy is all I can feel. I don't know why I was so scared before. My only regret is not bringing Josh with me to the appointment. 

"Can you tell how far along I am?" I question.

"I'd say about 8 or 9 weeks," she confirms. 

"Rough due date?"

"It looks like early December," she smiles as she removes the wand and gives me a towel to wipe my stomach. "Would you like a print out?"

"Yes, please," I was going to show that to Josh tonight. "Thanks."

"Not a problem. I'll have it ready in five minutes," and with that she was gone.

\---

I decide to do a little shopping before returning home. On my way to grab a few groceries for the house I run into a sporting goods store with the intention of finding a newborn jersey but nothing caught my attention. Feeling defeated I made my way to the supermarket.

As I was in the aisle in search of pasta I felt my phone vibrate in my purse.

J: Anything planned for dinner?

I glanced away for a second in order to think of a meal and that's when a great idea dawned on me. Directly in front of me was a jar of Prego spaghetti sauce. 

A: Spaghetti? I fire back.

J: Sounds good :) I'll start boiling the water.

When I arrive home Josh is true to his word and has a large pot of water over the stove.

"Hey babe," he kisses me on the cheek, "You've been gone awhile."

"Lots of errands to take care of," I simply reply. I shakily pour the noodles into the pot. My hands begin to get clammy because I can't keep this secret from him any longer. I know it's going to burst out for me at any moment.

"Did you pick up sauce?" he casually asks and I know this is the right time. I pull the sonogram from my purse and pull out the jar of sauce. I hold them up side by side and wait for Josh to turn around.

He doesn't so I clear my throat to catch his attention. When he turns to face me his eyes do a double take.

"Wait… WHAT?!" his eyes grow wide.

"I'm pregnant," I utter the words out loud for the first time.

Josh's mouth forms a gigantic smile. He runs over to me and gives me a tight hug. 

"Oh my god," he whispers in my ear repeatedly. When we break away from our hug and look into each others eyes we notice that we're both crying.

"I'm so happy," he mutters before kissing my forehead.

"Me too," I reply with a smile just as wide as his.

We handled one.

I think we can handle two.


	20. Eighteen.

It’s been two months since I shared the news with Josh. We decided to keep it a secret from everyone else, even family, until we reached the three month mark. Today was that day and it just so happened to fall on the same date as a summer barbecue his mother was throwing. 

I was slowly getting used to the idea of being pregnant. My morning sickness was showing up less frequently. A little pooch was forming in my lower abdomen. I enjoyed the idea of gaining weight and having life grow within me. Josh has been all over me the past couple of months. He’s so happy he’s going to be a father again. He’s become more affectionate, if you will. Constantly, holding me, kissing me, complimenting me and providing me with whatever it is I need with no questions asked. I didn’t think I could love someone as much as I love him right now.

Our relationship has definitely been more positive recently. Not saying that it wasn’t before, it just felt like a stagnate routine. A mini rut, you could say. Now everything is better than ever. 

I’d have to say, besides feeling nauseated constantly for months the heightened hormones and increased libido has been my favourite feat so far. Early this morning, Josh was taking a shower before we had to leave to catch our flight. Thinking about him being in there, his skin glistening from the water got me all flustered in a flash. So I decided to join him.

-

The glass shower door was becoming less transparent with steam. I could just make out the outline of Josh’s naked body. Although masked by the foggy glass his body still looked like it was chiseled by the Gods themselves. I found myself staring for so long that it was getting a little creepy. I removed my clothes slowly and quietly trying to keep my presence from Josh a secret for as long as possible. Luckily I only slept in one of his oversized t-shirts and a pair of boyshort panties. I hadn’t even made it into the cubicle and my centre was already throbbing with excitement. My hand reaches for the handle and I slide the door back. The sound startles Josh slightly his eyes opening a slit as the water cascades down his face. 

"Hey," he smiles, wiping the excess water from his eyes. 

"Hi," I give him a coy smile as he inches backwards a bit giving me some space underneath the shower head.

-

The plane lands in Cincinatti after a long five and a half hour flight. Keeping a toddler entertained for a flight started off stressful. Avery kicked the flight off by having a wicked temper tantrum. You could see the frustration and hear the sighs of everyone around us. I don’t think I’ve apologized that much before in my life. Luckily, he calmed down once he got a bottle of apple juice and Josh whipped out the iPad. We filled the device up with multiple episodes of kids television shows. Three hours in, Avery passed out.

In less than an hour we were through security and passed baggage claim. We arranged to have a taxi waiting for us at the airport so that his family didn’t lose time setting up for the barbecue. When we stepped out a middle-aged man held a sign that said, “Hutcherson’s”. I smiled at the thought of myself being considered a Hutcherson. Maybe one day.

Once situated inside the vehicle it fell silent. So quiet you could hear Josh’s stomach grumble. Avery laughed.

"Daddy I think you hungry," he giggled some more showing his little teeth.

"I think you are right, buddy," Josh patted his stomach.

"I remember when we were younger barbecue’s at your house being ridiculous," I brought up. Oddly enough, Josh and I never really bring up the past too much. 

"You are correct," he agreed, "Don’t forget the vast quantities of alcohol."

"I hope I don’t have to babysit two people tonight," I joke.

'I can't make any promises, but I apologize in advance, sweetie,” Josh kisses my cheek.

"Ew!" Avery covered his eyes. The car erupted with laughter.

"You’re gunna see where Daddy grew up, Avery," Josh spoke as he pointed out the window. "This is where I lived when I was just as small as you."

"I lived here too," I added.

Avery looked out the window for a few minutes but grew bored of the scenery around him. Josh and I took it all in. I forgot how much I missed my home state.

We arrived shortly thereafter. Some guest already arriving as the car pulled up. We grabbed our bags from the trunk and slowly wheeled them up the driveway. His mom must have saw us coming from the front window because she was running out in an instant.

"You guys made it!" she screamed, wrapping the two of us in a hug. "And there’s my handsome little grandson."

Avery gave her a little wave and toothy smile.

"Wow, he’s getting so big," she commented.

"I know, it’s scary," I replied. It really was.

"And Josh how’s injuries, all healed up?" her face concerned.

"All good, Mom. Let’s get inside," he motions his head towards the door.

"Yes, let’s," she agrees, picking up Avery. She moves ahead of us quickly probably to show him off to those that have already showed up.

The barbecue is in full swing within the hour. The backyard is filled with guests and the aroma of cooked meat. The wives were gossiping while the men discussed whatever men discussed around the barbecue. I was introduced to so many family members. Some I’ve met before and some that were new to me. It felt nice to be part of such a huge, loving family. It made me excited to share my news with them that much more.

When night fell and the children were asleep, that’s when the party started. Assortments of alcohol being brought out by the box. Josh was around some old friends and his brother with a beer in each hand. I held onto water bottle closely and joined the group Michelle was sitting in.

"Oh, Addison!" she called, "Once I found out you were coming I picked up the largest bottle of Pinot Noir I could find."

Uh oh. “Wow, that was so nice of you,” I didn’t know what to say but I knew the truth was coming out very soon. I think Josh overheard because out of the corner of my eye I could see him making his way towards me.

"Here, I’ll pour you a glass, honey," she insisted.

"It’s okay, I’m f-fine," I stuttered. Josh wrapped his arm around me.

"C’mon," she prodded, "Lighten up, it’s a party!"

"I really can’t," I press.

A look of confusion flashes across her face. “Why not?”

Josh squeezes my shoulder before rubbing soothing circles along my back letting me know that now was the time. I could feel others staring at me.

"Because I’m pregnant," I look down at the floor as the three words leave my mouth. When I look up her face is in complete shock.

"WHAT," she yells in excitement. "You’re kidding!"

"Not kidding, Mom," Josh chimes in.

She sets her glass down and comes towards us embracing us in a hug. “I’m so happy,” she whispers.

And so were we.

The cat was finally out of the bag.


	21. Nineteen.

"Babe, we haven't even left the house yet," Josh's tone was sympathetic but you could tell he was suppressing a laugh.

"I know, I know, I just can't help it," I wail, wiping away the few tears that left my eyes before they travel down my cheek.

The sound of velcro separating from itself causes us to turn our attention.

"Ready for your first day of preschool, bub?" I ask attempting to mask my sadness.

"Yes, mommy," Avery smiles wide, holding the straps of his tiny knapsack. Josh bends down to put the velcro strips back on his shoes. 

"Is baby coming to school too?" he reaches up to try and touch my growing bump.

"No, honey," I crouch down to his level slowly, "Baby still needs to grow a little longer."

"Okay," he seemed a little disappointed. We told Avery the news shortly after coming home from Kentucky. He seemed pretty excited about it. He told us that he really wants a little brother and that he's excited for someone to play with.

"You ready?" Josh asks him.

"Yup!" he exclaims.

"High five," Josh sticks his hand up in front of him and Avery's small hand smacks it.

I can feel my eyes get a little misty and I attempt to stop it as much as possible.

"Alright boys, in the car!" I holler opening the front door. Avery runs out and Josh kisses my forehead before following behind. Josh opens the back door of the car and puts him into the carseat. I lock our front door as he gets buckled in. 

In a few minutes we're on the road. We chose a preschool that was fairly close to our home and a hospital in case of emergencies. We wanted a semi-private one to ensure Avery's protection from insane stalkers but to allow him to play normally without the high standards. 

My heart begins to race as we turn into the parking lot. I had to keep telling myself that it was only for a few hours. Josh parks the car and we get out. We do the obligatory first day of preschool photo op before following other parents and kids into the small school. 

All the kids ran into play with one another while his teacher briefed us on what she planned for the day. Once we were given the okay to say goodbye and leave that's when the waterworks started all around. Kids didn't want their moms to leave and other moms didn't want to see their child grow up so quickly. Surprisingly, I managed to keep my cool but I swear Josh had a tear in his right eye. He won't admit it.

Avery gave us all a high five before turning back around and playing with new friends.

"Piece of cake," Josh remarks on our way back to the car.

"You totally were going to cry," I tease, sticking out my tongue.

"No I wasn't," Josh defends himself.

"Yeah, okay, sure," I taunt. He smiles.

Once we were in the car and back on the road, we head to the hospital for an appointment. Today was also the day that we got to find out the gender of our baby. At first, we wanted it to be a secret but I know that it would make me extremely anxious in the long run.

"What do you think it's going to be, babe?" I ask.

"Definitely a boy," he replies.

"Really?" I start, "What if it's a girl?"

"I'd be happy, too," he answers, "But I just have a feeling it's going to be a boy."

"I think so too," I place my palm on top of his thigh and give it a little squeeze. 

-

"Alright, Ms. Manning, we're ready for you now," the receptionist announces.

"Oh, thank God," I rejoiced, almost sprinting towards the room. They wanted me to drink a whole litre of water before coming to the appointment and I was close to bursting.

"Lie down on the table," the technician points to the table. Josh enters the room with my purse in hand.

"Jeez, Addison, excited were we?" Josh laughs. 

"Have to pee, need to get in as fast as possible," I groan.

The technician begins to apply the gel across my abdomen. I twitch over the coolness of the liquid. She moves the wand along my stomach trying to find our baby. 

"There it is," she cheers as she turns the monitor to face us.

I smile wide and look at Josh. His grin was huge and his eyes glassy.

"Can you tell what it is?" I ask, excited. There's a few moments of silence before she finally spoke.

"Looks like a boy," the technician replies. 

"Ha!" Josh exclaims.

Before I could say something the technician cuts me off, "Hold on… It looks like there's two in here."

"What?" Josh and I both shout in unison. He squeezes my hand tightly as we watch the video on the monitor change.

"There's the other," she breaks the silence, "And it looks like it's a… girl! Congratulations you two."

"Twins," I gasp before I begin to cry.

"Both genders too, that's awesome!" Josh sits forward in the seat to get closer to the monitor. He reaches out to my face and wipes away my tears of joy.

"It's uncommon for us to miss two babies on the first two ultrasounds but it does happen," she answers a question I had in my head. "I'll get some photos printed out. There is kleenex beside the table for you to remove the gel. I'll be back in a moment."

When she leaves the room I dash to the adjoining bathroom. Once relieved I wipe the goo off my stomach.

"Two fucking babies," I startle Josh from his chair. "We'll have three kids under the age of three in the house."

"I can't believe it," he replies, "But I'm super stoked."

Stoked, he would say that I thought. But it appropriately sums up the end of the appointment. 

Our family of three was going to turn into a family of five.


	22. Twenty.

"I'm a planet," I groan. My stomach getting bigger and bigger each day with the growth of our twins. Josh comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

"You're not a planet, Add," he softly plants his lips on my right temple.

"I'm sure if you dropped something around me my personal gravitational pull would suck it in before it had the chance to hit the ground," I carried on, "I don't want to go tonight. I'm going to look like your fat friend."

Tonight was the L.A. premiere of Josh's movie, "Je vais posseder voter coeur [I Will Possess Your Heart]". It was a small premiere as the movie was mostly done in French and everyone attending was going to have to read the subtitles. The movie had gotten so much praise across Europe that they decided last minute to have one premiere in America. 

"Please stop," Josh pleas, "You're not fat, you're pregnant, with my children, which I find unbelievably sexy." 

"That makes one of us," I mutter. Josh slowly pushes me towards the full length mirror in our bedroom. I turn my head to look away but he turns my chin so I'm back to facing forward, forced to look at my own reflection.

"Beautiful," Josh whispers, his finger tips tickling down my arms. My eyes look away. I was excited about being pregnant and gaining weight at first but now my body feels so foreign to me. I've gained fifty pounds in the last few months and with two children growing and moving around inside multiple stretch marks have made an appearance. 

Josh's fingers reach the bottom of my tank top and he slowly begins to move the fabric up my stomach.

"Josh, don't," I beg, not wanting him to see the stretch marks.

He didn't listen and continued until the top reached the top of my bump. Each of his hands took one of mine and he placed them on my stomach. We stayed this way for a while feeling the slight movements of our babies inside. He kissed my shoulder blade before releasing my hands.

I turned around to face him, "Thank you." I smiled before putting a hand on each side of his face and pulling him in for a kiss. "What have I done to deserve you?"

"I should be asking you the same thing" Josh answered after planting another kiss on my lips. 

"I better start getting ready," I tell him, my eyes fixated on a little twinkle in his eye.

"Yes, you probably should," Josh replies moments later, our gazes still locked.

"Go watch Avery as I shower," I instruct, "I'll return the favour after."

"Think of me as you shower," he comments, letting go of our soft embrace.

"Always," I fire back.

\---

The car comes to a complete stop out side of the theatre. I can already hear the screaming fans from inside the car. No matter how many events I attend as Josh's date I am never completely comfortable about getting out of the car. Especially now.

My stomach was on display for the world to see. It was covered in tight, gold sparkly fabric, accentuating every curve of the bump. I would have loved to wear a black, loose moo-moo but Josh's publicist would have killed me.

"Are you ready?" Josh asks, squeezing my hand.

"No, but I don't really have a choice, do I?" I joke. Josh grins and slowly shakes his head from side to side.

"Deep breath," he instructs, "You'll do fine," was the last words he said before the door opens beside him. I groan when the somewhat silence that was inside the car gets sucked out.

Once Josh had exited the car, he shot his arm out to assist me. When the photographers and press got a look at my stomach the flashes and screaming intensified.

"Just a few photos, hun," Josh whispers before turning his face back towards the cameras. I usually put on a smile and try to zone out the entire experience but I couldn't help but listen to what people were shouting.

"Josh over here!"

"Addison over here!" 

"Josh place your hand on her stomach!"

"How far along are you?"

"When's the wedding?"

His publicist comes up behind him and ushers him along. He kisses my cheek before letting me hang in the background for a bit. Usually, that's how it stays. People accept that I'm here for him and don't want to be put in the spotlight. But tonight, I had actresses and actors attending the event come up to me to congratulate me and ask how far along I was. Some popular entertainment news stations had some interns come up and ask me a few questions about Josh and my pregnancy so that they can put it in an article. It was so surreal. 

I was having a baby discussion with a very pregnant, Eva Green when Josh found me. 

"Bonding over motherhood, I see," Josh comments, wrapping his arm around my waist. 

"She's very sweet, Josh," Eva tells him, I blush at the compliment. "I wish you two, all the best. Good luck tonight."

"Your presence has caused quite a buzz," he whispered in my ear.

"How so?' I ask back.

"Most of my interviews were about you. I'd say they asked more about you and your pregnancy then my role in the movie," he laughed.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. I really was sorry. I knew how much this role meant to him and how excited he was when they were bringing it over to North America.

"It's fine," he reassured me, "Now let's go watch my movie."

He placed his hand on the small of my back and lead me into the dimly lit theatre.

\---

Josh was a little tipsy when we arrived back home. We stayed a short while at an after party before returning home. My feet were swollen beyond belief from my shoes.

"I can't wait to take a bath," I thought as I watched Josh saunter over to the fridge and pull out a beer.

"Good job tonight," I waddled up behind him and kissed his cheek, "Very proud of you."

"Thank you," he replied after a small sip of his beer. "I love you."

"I love you too," I responded, giving him a slight snuggle before releasing him.

"I'm going to take a quick bath. My feet are killing me."

"Go ahead, babe," Josh smiled at me before he went to take a seat on the couch.

My bath was relaxing. I added some oils and salts which really helped calm me down. All the aches and tensions I had seemed to evaporate with hot bath water. I removed the stopper from the drain and grabbed a towel from off the counter. When I was close to dry I dropped the towel from my body and removed the steam from the mirror. As I was staring at my reflection trying to come to terms with my new body shape I started to hear music coming from the bedroom.

Curious, I walked towards the door and my mouth fell open with what was on the other side. Josh had set up half a dozen candles around the room and put on a smooth jazz album. His naked self was on top of the covers as he stared at me. 

"C'mere," he reached his arms out. I walked over slowly taking in the atmosphere of the room and the sight of his body. 

"It's just the two of us tonight," he began, "I thought I'd start the night with a little oil massage and see where that takes us. What do you think?" 

I smile, "I think I'm going to enjoy it."

Once in front of Josh on the bed, his legs straddling mine, I knew it was going to be a quick massage.


	23. Twenty-One

"Addison your costume is disgustingly awesome," Josh comments on my choice of attire for tonight's trick-or-treating.

 

"Ew, Mommy!" Avery shouts, attempting to mimic his dad, "Cool!"

 

I went to the dollar store and chopped off the limbs to some plastic dolls and glued them to my large baby bump. With lots of blood dripping down of course. 

 

Josh wore a Superman t-shirt with a red cape and to be honest, I was a little upset he decided not to wear the full leotard getup. Avery decided he wanted to be a cowboy but when he saw me putting fake blood on myself he wanted some too. 

 

"Is Superman and the zombie cowboy ready to go?" I ask, grabbing a light jacket from the downstairs closet.

 

"Mhmm," Avery sounded, picking up his little jack-o-lantern carrier. 

 

"I'm super good to go," Josh jokes.

 

"That was super lame," I laugh, lightly smacking his arm.

 

"Let's go!" Avery whines trying to reach for the door handle.

 

"We're going, buddy. We're going," Josh replies before turning the knob. I give one last look to see that everything was turned off before exiting the house with them.

 

Tonight was going to be fun with my swollen feet.

 

\---

 

"Mreh," I complain, reentering our home. My feet continued to swell the whole duration of our excursion. I stuck it out as long as I could so that Avery could get as much candy as he could. 

 

"Time for bed little man," Josh had a sleepy Avery over his shoulder. 

 

"Buh candy," he groaned.

 

"You can have some candy tomorrow," Josh replied, making his way up the stairs.

 

I plop myself into the couch and watch from afar. Josh has been really great the past few months helping out with Avery. He's at home almost all the time now. He decided to take a slight break in making movies with having the twins coming. And for that I am so grateful.

 

Just then a sharp pain greeted me in my lower abdomen. It was drawn out and painful. I tried pressing on it and twisting but nothing helped. It went away within a few minutes and left me with great anxiety.

 

I propped my feet up on the table in front of me and tried to calm down. There was a bunch of Halloween movies on and I settled for Rocky Horror Picture Show. Josh came downstairs soon after.

 

"Need anything, babe?" he asked as he rummaged through the kitchen.

 

"A glass of water would be nice," I answered.

 

"With or without ice?" Josh asked, knowing that my simple requests can sometimes turn complicated.

 

"Without," I laughed, he filled a glass from the tap and handed it to me before joining me on the couch.

 

As soon as I felt the weight fluctuation of the couch cushion another bout of pain hit my stomach.

 

"Ow… Fuck!" I try and breathe through my teeth. 

 

"What's wrong?" Josh asked concerned.

 

"My lower stomach… hurts," I attempt to breathe through the pain, "Almost cramp-like."

 

"You're not going into labour are you? Oh my God. Can this happen?" Josh's complexion becomes ghostly white. 

 

The pain dissipates slightly so I tell Josh, "I'm fine."

 

He doesn't fully believe my answer as he's stiff as a board beside me, "Alright, fine. But if you start to feel it again I'm taking you to the hospital. Deal?"

 

I sighed, "Deal."

 

I grab his hand and intertwine my fingers with his. We hold this position as continue to watch the film.

The pain came back and I did my best to shield it from Josh. Little did I know, my best wasn't good enough.

 

"Addison, you are squeezing my hand insanely tight!" I let go as soon as he mentions it.

 

"Sorry," I sheepishly reply.

 

"Did the pain come back?" his tone of voice so serious.

 

I wince as I say, "…No."

 

"You're full of shit. I'm packing you a bag and we're going Add!" Josh jumps up from the couch and books it up the stairs.

 

My fingers start to tremble at the thought of this being the beginnings of labour pain. We still have a month left until I'm considered full term. I'm not ready to be a mother of three tonight. 

 

I'm not ready.

 

\---

 

As I lay on the sofa attempting to distract myself with nonsense television Josh sets everything in motion. He found a friend to come over and watch over Avery for the night. He had also called ahead to the hospital to let them know we were coming in. There was a large duffel bag sitting at the front door waiting for us to go.

 

The doorbell rang signalling the arrival of Josh's friend, Matthew. 

 

"Thanks so much man for doing this," Josh thanks him as he opens the door for him.

 

"Not a problem," Matt went to shake his hand then pulled him into a hug.

 

I could hear Josh pick up the bag which was my cue to get my giant ass off the couch. It took a little effort but I managed to do it by myself. 

 

"Good luck," Matt hollers as we shut the door.

 

And at that moment I hope this isn't the last time I leave the house pregnant. Josh helps me into the car and we set off towards the hospital. The streets are a little crazy with everyone off to attend Halloween parties in the city. Josh says nothing as he keeps his eyes focused on the road.

 

"You're terrified aren't you?" I ask him, slightly laughing to cit the tension.

 

"I'm scared of crashing this car," he answers with his eyes still on the road.

 

"Okay, well, if it makes you feel any better I'm scared. I don't want to come home with the babies tonight. I'm not ready to be a mother to more than just Avery. I can't wrap my head around it," my words honest.

 

"What do you mean?" Josh asks.

 

"I feel like I'm just getting by as a mother for Avery. What am I supposed to do with three of them? I don't want Avery to feel left out because I will be spending more time and attention with the twins. How am I supposed to handle three kids under the age of three when you go off and film? I just want a couple more weeks to sort everything out, you know?" I answer him, a couple times shouting due to the throbbing pain.

 

"Oh Addison," Josh starts, "You'll be a wonderful mother. Don't sell yourself short. You've been a better parent and role model to Avery than I have been. And don't deny it. If the twins come tonight, they come tonight. And we will be fine. You're just nervous, sweetie. I know as soon as we see those precious faces that all our worries will wash away," I can feel his fingers trace circles on my thigh.

 

He pulls into the parking garage and parks as close to a door as possible. Luckily it was night so there were more spots available. He grabs the bag from the backseat and helps me out of the car. I slowly waddle towards the elevator door as Josh keeps a slight grip on my arm.

 

The elevator reeks of vomit and I want to do the same. It's a good thing we only needed to stay on for two floors. As the doors open I breathe in as much fresh air as possible. I can hear Josh doing the same. 

 

We take a couple of turns before reaching another set of elevators. 

 

"This one smells better," Josh breaks the silence and I give him a nervous giggle in return.

 

The doors open and we make our way onto the maternity ward. The distant screams of someone giving birth down the hall or the cries of a newborn child. We check in at the front and they usher me towards a standard room.

 

"Doctor Jones will be in shortly. Make yourself comfortable," the nurse then exits the room.

 

I sit on the patient table while Josh sits in one of those uncomfortable cushioned chairs in the corner. We stay silent both nervous of the outcome of tonight. I stare at a tile on the floor whereas Josh chews on the string on his hoodie.

 

Doctor Jones appears five minutes after being placed in the room. 

 

"Josh. Addison. I hear you're experiencing some pain in your lower abdomen?" he began.

 

"Yes," was all I could say.

 

"Can you lie down on the table for me. We'll do a quick ultrasound and take a look around. Your water hasn't broken yet has it?"

 

"Not my knowledge," I answered, "But I think I would notice." I let myself nervous giggle.

 

The doctor had a technician come in and do an ultrasound. My amniotic fluid levels were normal and the twins didn't seem to be in distress. A nurse took a blood sample and sent it downstairs to be tested for other things.

 

It was now two in the morning and the two of us were exhausted. Both yawning and constantly staring at the wall. Too tired to even pass small talk back and forth. 

 

The doctor came in and with a smile said, "We're not having the babies tonight."

 

Josh and I both breathed a sigh of relief.

 

"You're blood levels are good and the ultrasound found no abnormalities. What you were probably feeling were Braxton Hicks contractions. They're common in women after they pass the twenty week mark. But since you have twins you can go into labour anytime between now and the beginning of December," he informs me, "Okay?"

 

I nod.

 

"I know you have another little boy running around the house but try not to over exert yourself, okay. I look forward to seeing the two of you next week for your scheduled check-up." He sticks his hand out and we both shake it.

 

"Thank you," Josh and I say at the same time.

 

Doctor Jones shut the door behind him and let us pack up what little belongings we had around the room. We sleepily made our way back to the parking garage and back to our home. Both happy that we had a little more time with just the three of us.


	24. Twenty-Two

"Do you think orange is a weird colour to have in your bedroom?" I ask Josh as we start the last layer of paint in the twins room.

"Well, hun, if you're having doubts about the colour you're about three paint layers too late," Josh joked. "But I like it."

I put the air mask back over my nose and mouth so I don't breathe in as much fumes. I try and take things slow only painting areas that are within reach. We've had the bassinets, cribs, sheets, clothes, toys, basically everything picked out for our two. We just needed to choose a colour for the walls. We picked everything out in white or black so that we could choose any colour we wanted. As we were walking through a home hardware store one day it clicked that orange would be perfect.

I suddenly begin to feel dizzy and I account it as breathing in fumes. "You okay to keep going? I'm going to lie down," I said.

"Sure thing, babe, I can handle it," he replied, smiling back.

I walked into our master bedroom and saw Avery passed out in the bed. I took the opportunity to snuggle with him. It will be one of the last few moments just the two of us with share for a long time.

I doze off and when I come to, Avery has already vacated the bed. I can smell dinner being cooked below and I go in search for some grub.

After dinner, Josh asks me to check the nursery to see if the walls were up to my standards. Excited to see the room as a whole I waddled as fast as I could up the flight of stairs. I expected to see a cleared out orange room when I walked through the doorframe but what I was greeted to was all the furniture moved in and arranged. The letters for the names we had picked out hanging above each crib. Frames on the walls. Large shelves we picked up from IKEA filled with diapers, clothing, books, toys, extra sheets, you name it. My hand goes up to my mouth as I gasp. As I use my free hand to clutch the doorframe, I can feel Josh's presence beside me.

"You like it?" he asks.

"I love it," a single tear rolled down my cheek, "I can't believe you actually listened to my nonsense of where I wanted things to go and remembered. You're the best."

He pulls me in for a hug and when it feels like he's going to release me I pull him in closer. "Thank you," I whisper. 

"You're welcome," he whispers back.

\---

I awake suddenly with a weird feeling in my stomach. I check the clock on the beside table. Three in the morning. "Great," I mutter. I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling, wide awake. The pain comes back and this time a lot stronger.

"Owwwwww," I sound, startling Josh.

"Are you okay?" he asks groggily.

"Just a little pain, I'll be fine," I scrunch my face up attempting to mask my true emotion. "Actually… OH FUCK!" I grab a hold of the sheets and bunch them up in my hand.

"Is it time?" Josh questions, rubbing my back. 

"Yes," I whimper.

"Oh my God. Oh my God," Josh begins to panic, "You stay here. I'll pack up our bags. Get Avery. Call Andre. Ah. I'll be quick I promise. Don't move!" he bolts out of bed.

I can feel a wetness spread down my legs and I'm certain my water just broke. "My water just broke!" I yelled out to Josh.

"Are you sure?!?" he yells back more frantic.

"Well I'm pretty sure I didn't piss myself," I snark back. I don't hear from him until he's got the car all ready to go. Andre was going to meet us at the hospital to take Avery to his place and watch him. When he comes in to get me I have a pillow pressed into my face as I silently scream. My contractions slowly getting closer together and stronger. 

"Now!" I shout, alerting that a contraction just ended so we had a small window of time to get down to the car.

Josh strips me of my ruined pants and helps me into track pants. He holds my hand tightly as he eases me down the stairs and into the passenger side.

"Mommy are you okay?" Avery was worried.

"I'm okay, buddy," I try and make my voice sound as calm as possible.

"Then why are you crying?" he asked, so smart for his age.

"Your baby brother and sister are coming and they're trying to come out now. It hurts mommy a little bit. Do you understand?" I give him a smile.

"That's not very nice," Avery responded and all we did was laugh.

We arrive at the hospital in no time as the traffic is practically nonexistent at this hour. I am admitted right away and sent to a room. Josh keeps Avery occupied in the waiting room as he waits for Andre. I don't want Josh to be away from my side but I don't want Avery to see me in agony. 

He came in twenty minutes later. I had all the IV's set up and got hooked up to the monitors. The doctor confirmed that I was already five centimetres dilated.

"Want some ice chips or anything?" Josh offered as he walked into the room.

"That would be perfect," I smiled accepting his offer.

"I'll be right back," he turned to walk out.

"Don't be gone too long!" I shouted as I watched his back disappear through the doorframe.

Once he vanished a contraction came on very strong causing me to grip the handrails and groan. I tried to keep it quiet as to not disturb others and bring attention in here. The contraction subsided as Josh entered the room.

"Oh thank God," I praised his entrance.

"What's wrong?" a look of worry clearly evident on his face.

"When you left I had the strongest contraction I ever had," I breathe in hard and breathe out even harder.

"Well I'm here," he takes my hand in his and I grip it.

As soon as a nurse walks in to check on me one of the monitors started going haywire. My heart rate sped up tenfold in panic.

"What's going on?!" Josh and I both ask, frantically.

"Uhh… It appears Twin A is in distress. I'm going to call Doctor Jones. You might have to go into an emergency C-section," she said really fast before exiting the room.

After that everything was a blur. The doctor rushed in to double check the nurses prediction which was right. He had me rushed into an operating room for a C-section. The whole time they were prepping my stomach all I wanted was Josh beside to tell me that everything was gong to be okay. 

They let him in fifteen minutes later donned in a little gown, shower cap and plastic on his shoes. I giggled at his appearance. 

"We're going to get the show on the road, you ready?" the doctor asked.

"Definitely," I responded.

I felt a little pressure but nothing more. Josh sat beside my head running his finger tips through my hair. He bent down and kissed my forehead.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," I smiled.

"Baby A is coming out," the pressure increased and then we heard the cry. "It's a girl!"

They brought her up above the sheet, Josh and I both tearing up.

"Does she have a name?" one of the nurses asked as she washed her up.

"Locklyn Grace," we both said in unison.

"Baby B is up next," I was so elated with joy that I didn't feel the pressure on this one, "It's a boy!"

"Henry Wyatt," Josh and I both said in unison again as he was brought above the sheet.

"Two beautiful, healthy babies. Congratulations you two!" the nurse said. "Daddy would you like to come see the babies while we fix her up?"

Josh left to see Locklyn and Henry as I got stitched up. It felt like forever until I was able to hold both of them in my arms. 

But when I did, it felt like my life was complete with my two bundles of joy.


	25. Twenty-Three

The crackled sound of a screaming baby came through the monitor. I roll over and groan checking the time. It's four in the morning. I nudge Josh awake with my foot. 

"What?" he grumbles.

"Your turn," I grumble back.

He wipes the sleep from his eyes before taking a deep breath and sighing. He stretches out his limbs before getting off the bed and slowly sombering to the nursery.

I wrap the excess blanket around me and snuggle into the pillow. We've only had the twins home for a few days and we've probably slept for a total of ten hours all together. Living off coffee. 

The crying ceases shortly after Josh enters the room. He's whispering things to one of them in a soft pitched voice. My lips curling up into a small smile over the thought. The monitor goes quiet so I assume that he managed to calm them down but seconds later he appears in the doorway holding what looks to be Locklyn.

"I think she's hungry," he states, "And you know… I don't have the milk."

I slowly sit up in bed and take her from him. Josh curls up beside me resting his head on my thigh. I lift up my shirt and Locklyn latches on.The connection and feeling still so weird to me. We stay this way for a while. Josh softly snoring against my thigh. Locklyn's soft sucking causing me to drift in and out. She falls asleep and I'm close to it but the sound of Henry jolts me awake.

I try and shimmy out from under Josh as to not disturb him and I carry Locklyn with me to the other room. I place her in the basinet before I grab ahold of Henry. He cries for a bit so I bring him over to the rocking chair and sit down. Carefully rocking him back and forth calming him down. He quiets but he's still awake looking up at me and tears begin to fall. Amazed that something so small and so precious came from me. The fact that Josh and I's love could create not one but two amazing children.

I wipe my eyes as I keep rocking. His eyelids drooping. I hear some scuffling out in the hallway and stare at the slightly ajar door. I expected to see Josh in the doorway but what greeted me was Avery.

"Hey buddy," I whisper. 

"Hi Mommy," he tries to keep his voice quiet as he walks towards me.

"What are you doing up?" I ask.

"Babies," he answers. I get up and put Henry in the same bassinet with Locklyn. Then I pick up Avery and head back to the rocking chair. He cuddled into my arms as my feet softly pushed off the floor. Avery's tiny fingers entwining in my hair. His little head snuggling into chest. The sensation allowing me to drift into a short sleep.

I'm awoken by Josh moving Avery from my arms hours later.

"Hey sleepyheads," he kisses me on the forehead. 

"Morning," I groggily croak. I blink hard a couple of times attempting to get used to the morning light. The business of the room waking up the twins.

"Well, everyone's up," Josh commented and I just sighed. 

Only an extra hour of sleep. That's all I ask, my self-conscious whines.

He leaves the room with Avery in tow off to make some breakfast. I change the twins diapers and feed them once more before putting them back down. When I walk into the kitchen Avery sitting at the table with some Cheerios and cut up fruit. The TV in the other room showing some weird cartoon. His eyes fixated on it.

"Coffee?" Josh inquires.

"Yes, please," I groan.

He pours the hot liquid into a mug and passes it over knowing not to add anything else to it. This is how our day begins everyday. 

"I can take Avery to school, if you want. Or you can if you want out of the house," Josh begins.

"No you go," I reply, "You can shower and look presentable faster. I don't have the time. And I don't feel like getting judged by other mothers today. I feel disgusting."

"Disgustingly beautiful," he fires right back and I give him a smile.

"I'm going to quickly shower if you want to get him dressed," he runs upstairs without hearing my response.

"Aye aye, capitan," I mutter, cleaning up Avery's face and carrying him up to his room.

Josh and Avery leave twenty minutes later as I sit on the couch and watch the news, the breast pump on both breasts. I'm hoping that if I pump enough Josh would let me rest for an hour or two. That way I don't have to awake to feed them.

I end up dozing off as soon as he gets home. I return the favour when I wake up getting stuff prepared for dinner. 

All five of us ate dinner in the kitchen. Avery in his highchair between the two of us. Josh had Locklyn in his arms. I had Henry. Both with bottles in their mouths and Josh and I try and get a bite or two in.

Then it's bed time for everyone and Josh and I can't wait. The getting to bed routine taking an hour tops. The two of us climb into our master bed and I snuggle into Josh's arms.

"I wonder if we'll ever be able to have sex again," I say without filtering.

"What? Why?" Josh giggles.

"Three small children. Avery can walk in at anytime. The twins are constantly going to be a handful. It's tiring," I list off.

"Shh. It's been less than a week. Things will get better," he rubs soothing circles into my back, "Besides, I'm sure one of our lovely friends would help us out for a night or two."

He leans down and kisses my cheek, "I love you Addison Maria Manning."

"I love you Joshua Ryan Hutcherson, always."


	26. Chapter 26

It's Christmas Eve. With the twins being less than a month old we decided not to travel to Kentucky this year for the holidays. This time the family came to us and for that we were grateful. His family kept Avery busy and watched the twins so that I could make a large turkey dinner.

The sun was slowly setting outside. The sky a bright pale blue. It was nice to take a moment to take in my surroundings. Josh had such a big loving family and I was so glad that our children were going to grow up in said environment. 

They'll have it better than I had it as a kid. They will never know what it's like to feel unwanted. They will never know what it feels like for their parents to choose crack over you. They will never know what it's like to not have any money.

The kids will also learn the importance of going after what you want. As a kid, Josh knew he wanted to be an actor and he fought and worked hard for it. I knew I wanted to get out of my parents house so I worked multiple jobs in order to move out and go to school.

Josh wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses the crook of my neck, "Whatcha thinking about, hun? You look like you're in a daze."

"Nothing really. Just our kids. Knowing they'll grow up in a great environment, with a great family. They'll be loved," I answered truthfully.

"They will, sweetie, they will," he embraces me tighter and kisses the crook one more time. "Need any help on dinner?"

"Set the table?" I reply.

"You don't trust making any food do you?"

"Well, normally I would say yes, but we do have to feed a lot of people today," I put him down nicely.

"I get it," he laughs, "I'll set the table."

Two hours later, dinner was finally on the table. Josh had to go out and buy a bigger dining room table to fit all our guests. We had his mom, dad, brother, grandma, grandpa, aunt, Andre, and a handful of cousins. Once we were all seated we linked hands and said grace.

"Alright, I got dibs on the gravy!" Connor shouts as soon as everyone says "amen".

"Save some for the rest of us, man," Andre comments as he watches him tip the gravy pot.

Each of grab our helping of turkey and pass around the other sides. Everyone filling up their plates. Just as I'm about to take my first bite the baby monitor goes off.

"Typical," I shove whatever was on my fork into my mouth, "I'll go feed them."

I excuse myself from the table and take care of business. Luckily both Locklyn and Henry needed to be fed. It cut my time upstairs in half. To save time I latch both of them onto each breast. The two of them lightly kicking their feet at one another. I rock them back and forth in the rocking chair and take the time to rest slightly. Locklyn passes out before Henry. She passes out with my boob still in her mouth and I just stare at her tiny face.

Henry passes out shortly thereafter. I hold them a little while longer before returning them to their shared basinet. I set the basinet to rock very slowly before leaving the room.

When I get back downstairs the food is practically all off everyones plates. Mine still piled high. I grab the dish and bring it over to the microwave to heat it up.

"I don't know how you do it," Josh's mother said as I took my seat.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"It was hard enough to have one newborn and a toddler. You have two of them to deal with. How are you still functioning?"

I laugh. "I have no idea."

I finish my plate of food with Josh by my side. The other family members getting drunk off wine or alcoholic eggnog concoctions. He's still milking his first beer. He's picking at the label and I can tell that he's nervous about something. Or maybe he's upset. Maybe someone said something to him while I was gone. I wonder what it is.

Taking my plate to the sink I stack it with everyone else's. I'm about to pick up a cloth when his cousin, Mark takes it from my hand.

"You've done enough, Addison. Let me do the dishes. It's the least I can do after that amazing meal," he said.

"Are you sure?" a smile growing on my face, "Thank you so much."

I'm about to walk into the living room to join the family around the television when Josh pulls me back into the kitchen.

"What's with people denying me things today?" I mutter.

"Let's go for a walk," Josh whispers in my ear. "Just the two of us."

"Sure," I smile. "Am I going to get my Christmas present?"

"Maybe," he nervously giggles handing out his hand, "Let's go."

The walk from his house is silent. Neither of us saying a word, both taking in the holiday atmosphere. Every house is illuminated with lights and inflatable ornaments. We walk into town and there's a large Christmas tree in the centre of the shopping district. There are a few carollers singing around the base of the tree. Josh takes my hand and leads me to a bench across from the festivities. 

His hands are sweating and I wonder if he's getting a cold.

"Hun, you feeling okay?" I ask him.

"Yeah," he nervously laughs after. Somethings up with him. 

We take a seat on the bench and admire what's in front of us. The large Christmas tree standing tall at 10 feet and covered in tinsel and lights. 

"I… uh…," Josh begins but can't find the words. He takes a deep breath. 

"Addison Manning…," I see him dig into his jean jacket pocket and pull out a tiny velvet box. My heart begins to pound in my chest, "…I've wanted to marry you as soon as you decided to step up and become Avery's mother. I mean, I always knew I wanted to marry you but that day solidified it. You stepped up when even I didn't know if I could. You cared for him and you loved him when I didn't know how. You stuck by me when I wasn't the best person to be around. You stuck by me during my lowest lows. Always putting others before yourself. You're an amazing woman Addison. From the moment I met you back in Kentucky to now sitting on this bench I've been in love with you. And I want to be in love with you for the rest of my life. So Addison Elizabeth Manning, will you marry me?"

"Yes."


	27. The Epilogue.

"I can't believe you did that, Addy," my friend Ruby exclaimed, "Josh is going to flip out!"

"I hope so," I laugh, "It was kind of a bold decision."

My fingers lightly trace my collar bone as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is wrapped up in a French chignon. It's small but tight. I had to cut my hair shorter to make handling the twins easier. They liked to pull and tug at my hair. As they grew older I kept the cropped hair cut. It made everything in my life a lot easier. Plus, Josh really loved the new look.

My makeup was simple yet beautiful. I hadn't been done up like this in a while. My cheeks were softly blushed in a pale pink. A neutral brown across my eyelids with two coats of mascara on my lashes. I felt beautiful today and I wanted to cherish this moment for the rest of my life.

"Ready to put the dress on, hun?" Ruby asks.

"I think so," I turn around to face her and smile. "Just let me finish this mimosa!"

My other bridesmaids filter into the room. They all look gorgeous in their cerulean-toned, knee-length dresses. Most of these women being friends I had met through Josh over the years. Without them, I don't know how I would survive Josh leaving to film movies in far away places. They would come over and help me with Avery, Henry and Locklyn. 

Avery is now six and the twins are three. We wanted our kids to get a little older before we planned for a wedding. We needed them to be apart of it.

I walk over to where my dress is hanging on its personalized hanger. A wire moulded the word bride in cursive. The date of our wedding stamped on the wooden arm. I grab the lace on the dress and feel the pattern of the fabric between my finger tips. I stare at the gown a little while longer. I will never wear anything as beautiful or extravagant ever again. 

Ruby comes up behind me and places both hands on the back of my shoulder. 

"Josh had Andre bring something to the room. It's wrapped in a large pale blue box. You want to open it?"

"Of course!" I grin excited to see what my husband-to-be has had brought over to me. I walk over to the table where the box is placed and sit on the tiny loveseat. I unravel the ribbon and slowly take the top of the box off. Inside white tissue paper shields the contents of the gift. A white card with Josh's scribblings saying: Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. Something blue.

Pushing the thin paper aside my hands find an antique hair clip with blue crystals along the edges. My free hand covers my open mouth as I gasp at its beauty. My eyes get misty but I keep the tears at bay not wanting to ruin my makeup. 

"It's beautiful," Amelie gushes from over my shoulder. "Josh must really love you."

"He does," I say with one hundred percent truth. This man loves me and I love him just the same.

"Let's get you in that dress than shall we?" Ruby exclaims.

"Let's," I return.

\---

My full-sleeved lace dress is on, vintage hair clip secured and veil over my face. I grab my bouquet of orchids and walk towards the door. We chose an October wedding on the pier surrounded by luxurious boats. We had people sailing in the horizon. I pull aside the curtain on the small window and take in the scene. It looked perfect. Each side had been filled up with people we love. There were flowers and anchors everywhere. I took a deep breath to let everything sink in one last time.

"Ready?" Ruby asked behind me. 

"Ready," I answer with a brief nod.

The music begins and Locklyn starts off walking down the pier with her small basket of flower petals. My heart melts at the sight of her flinging the delicate contents all over. I can see the faces of everyone in the crowd "awing" as this tiny girl with brunette ringlets and pink tutu dress skips down the make shift aisle.

Next up is Henry and his gelled back combover hair. He's a splitting image of his father. The same hazel eyes and little dimple in the centre of his chin. Ruby hands him the light cushion pillow the the rings securely attached in the centre. My little man dressed in a small tux begins his walk through the crowd of people illicitng the same reaction as Locklyn did. 

We made beautiful children.

The bridesmaids find the groomsmen they got paired with and link their arms through the crook of their elbows. They begin their walk one by one down the pier. Everyone is smiling around them. My heart begins to pound as I know my turn is next.

"You ready Mom?" Avery asks. I asked Avery to walk me down the aisle and give me away. I know it doesn't mean much to him now but I know when he is older it will mean a lot. With my left hand I place the orchid bouquet to my body and hold out my right hand for Avery to hold.

"Time to marry, Daddy," he says as he squeezes my hand and I squeeze his right back. The wedding march begins as the door opens. The crowd rises as I get to the beginning of the aisle. A lot of gasps were heard and I saw a lot of tears and smiles on faces. As I reach the middle that's when I allow myself to look at him.

Josh Hutcherson.

My soon to be husband.

He was wearing a grey suit with a white collared button up shirt. A thin black tie around his neck. Just the sight of him increased the size of my smile and heart rate. He looked amazing and I knew he picked out the grey suit just for me. He knew what it did for me. His hair was parted on the side and set perfectly in place. His megawatt smile beaming at me and I was sure my knees were going to buckle.

Avery and I reach the end of the aisle and set foot onto the pier. I crouch down to give him a hug and a kiss on both cheeks. He whispers, "I love you Mommy," before turning away and heading to his seat with Josh's mom.

As I stand in front of Josh he lifts my veil over my head. His eyes scanning every inch of my face. It felt so intimate and I began to forget that we were not alone. As he's about to grab my hand is eyes travel to my collarbone and they widen. I could see a single tear form in the corner of his eye.

Two days ago I had gotten a tattoo right underneath the bone. It was a direct transfer from a letter Josh had wrote to me over a year ago for our three year anniversary. So in Josh's handwriting, now tattooed permanently on my skin was: I will love you 'til the end of time.

"I love it," he mouths to me.

"I love you," I mouth back. 

He grabs my hand and we begin the ceremony. I cannot recall what the priest was saying throughout but what I do remember is the two little words we both uttered.

"I do."


End file.
